Are You Dealing With A Cinderfella? 11 Signs He’s A Nightmare, Not A Fairytale

What’s a Cinderfella, you ask? A guy who moves in for physical and emotional intimacy way too quickly for your own good. They’re rare, but they are out there, and if you’ve been dating long enough, chances are you’ve already met one or two of them. If you haven’t, consider yourself lucky and keep your eyes peeled for this warning signs:

  1. He’s very vocal about how lonely he was before meeting you. Before you came into his life, the Cinderfella was very, very lonely. He might even tell you about all those nights he spent wishing he had someone while watching The Notebook and eating ice cream straight out of the tub. Um, TMI, dude.
  2. He gives off a desperate vibe. There’s lonely, which every single person has experienced at one point or another, and then there’s completely unabashed stage-five desperate. The Cinderfella is the latter type of guy. He’s way too eager to start something with you and acts like you’re going to rescue him from his life, which… yikes.
  3. He wants passion 24/7. One of the ways in which the Cinderfella will try to move things quickly is by focusing on lots of passion. This is the guy who will kiss you madly without even knowing you and try to sweep you off your feet with romantic gestures all the way to his bedroom. He figures if he can hook you in that way, he’ll get his happy ending.
  4. He repeatedly tells you that he wants an emotional connection. It’s not just physical attraction he wants, but an emotional connection too. This is what might make you think that he’s looking for something real with you when the truth is that he just wants to feel an emotional bond because he’s so lonely. You can’t force a connection, and in fact, you’re pretty much ruining any chance of it by constantly talking about it. No, dude.
  5. He’s just out of a relationship. Sometimes the Cinderfella is so desperate because he’s just been brutally dumped by the woman of his dreams and can’t deal, not that he’s been single for ages. In fact, many Cinderfellas are older men who are recently out of marriages. They’re ready to clutch onto anyone who enters their lives and not let her go because they need a distraction from their pain. Damn, these types of dudes need a therapist, not a new girlfriend.
  6. He’s full of drama. The Cinderfella’s drama is way bigger than losing a shoe at a party. He has plenty of issues, such as the inability to be alone or cope with his own company, and this makes him needy as hell. If you find yourself dragged into his drama from the first date, perhaps it’s time for him to make like Cinderella’s shoe and get lost.
  7. He’s in a rush to take things to the next level. The Cinderfella doesn’t have time to take things slowly. No way — he wants to hurry things along. He’s the type of guy who’ll tell you he’s deleting his dating app because he found you… after the first date. He’s the guy who’ll propose marriage after a few months of dating. He’s the guy who’ll treat you like his girlfriend on the first date without even asking if you’re on the same page.
  8. He’s king of the chase. It’s not necessarily all about the chase with Cinderfella. He’s going to make it his mission to pursue you, flatter you, and romance you because he MUST have you. Whoa there, buddy. You obviously want a guy who treats you well, but when he lays it on so thick, it’s a serious red flag. WTF?
  9. He doesn’t understand the definition of boundariesBoundaries are a must in a relationship, but the Cinderfella wouldn’t know what they are if you gave him a Powerpoint presentation. He’ll arrive unexpectedly at your job with a bunch of roses or call you incessantly when he knows you’re out with your friends. Ugh.
  10. You can’t put your finger on why, but he can be really creepy. Let’s face it — after a while, all that chasing and romance start to feel a bit weird because he’s trying way too hard. When he tells you how you might be his soulmate or he tries to agree with everything you say so that you don’t think badly of him, you end up feeling unsettled and worry you’re dealing with a stalker. You just might be.
  11. He loves talking about your “connection.” The Cinderfella tries to focus on how you are kindred spirits right from the first date, as though he wants to believe that there’s a bigger reason for why you’ve met. He might tell you about how the energy in the restaurant changed when you entered, or that you’re so alike it’s like you were meant to be together. Oh God. Even though it’s only been once or twice that you’ve seen him in real life. Awkward overkill.
  12. He makes you his whole world. The Cinderfella is needy and desperate, so once he has you in his life, he’ll want you to be his everything. He’ll completely depend on you and dedicate his life to you. What about the rest of his, and your, life? You can’t be his everything! The Cinderfella doesn’t get that you’re feeling suffocated and that honestly, this isn’t love — it’s a twisted version of a fairytale that you’d rather not star in.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.