Are You The Kind Of Girlfriend Guys Dream About Or Run Away From?

You’re strong, independent and an all-around great catch, but sometimes falling in love can make you feel a little crazy. While nobody’s perfect, there are some clear differences between a girl who’s a dream come true and one who’s made from the stuff of nightmares. Which one are you?

  1. Nightmare: You constantly need to know where he is and what he’s doing. This just screams insecurity and trust issues, and eventually, he’s going to get sick of it. Just as you would get annoyed with someone constantly checking up on you, he’s going to be irritated when he feels like he can’t get a moment’s peace without you questioning what he’s up to. If you feel like he can’t be trusted to behave if you’re not constantly making sure that he is, that’s not a relationship you want to be in anyway.
  2. Dream: You give him his space and trust him to be out without you. If he’s out with the guys, it’s reasonable to ask him to message you if he’s going to be out later than expected. Just make sure he can spend most of his day without having to worry about looking at his phone and seeing 20 missed calls from you. You probably feel way more relaxed when you can be out and about without having to worry about constantly answering to someone, and your guy will feel the same way.
  3. Nightmare: You’re immediately suspicious of all his female friends. I get it: it’s intimidating when your boyfriend introduces you to all his supermodel-esque gal pals. but that doesn’t mean you should immediately see them as competition. Giving his female buddies the side-eye when their relationship with him is clearly platonic shows that you’ll never be the girl who can hang out with everyone in a group, and that’s one way to scare your guy away forever.
  4. Dream: You make an effort to be friends with his female friends. Are you going to be BFFs with all his gal friends? Maybe, maybe not. But if he sees you at least making the effort, that’s way better than you immediately jumping to the conclusion that all his female buddies are trying to sleep with him. You might not get along with all of them, and yeah, there might be one or two who ARE trying to get into his pants, but as long as he’s not reciprocating, you probably have nothing to worry about.
  5. Nightmare: You have no life outside of him. We all like it when the person we’re with has their own individual passions, so when it seems like your partner is stuck to your side 24/7, they can start feeling like a parasite. It’s normal to like or love your significant other so much that you want to be with them all the time, but eventually, not getting a break from each other is going to start wearing thin on one of you.
  6. Dream: You involve him in your life, but you also have your own hobbies. Having a few things you love to do but he doesn’t? Great! Having a few things that you both love to do together? Also great! Having separate hobbies doesn’t mean you guys are too different from each other. In fact, it’s healthy. The key is to strike a good balance between doing things together and doing things separately so you get lots of quality time together while still maintaining your own individuality and having some “you” time.
  7. Nightmare: You try to change significant parts of his personality. You knew from the start that he liked to play video games for a couple of hours after work, so why are you telling him to stop now that you’re together? When you start dating someone, you’re dating every part of them, even the ones you wouldn’t necessarily hand-pick in a partner. You’d probably be pissed if he got on your case to change significant parts of your daily routine, so doing the same thing to him is a huge red flag that you shouldn’t be with this guy.
  8. Dream: You either accept him as he is or let him find someone who does. Sometimes, those “little” quirks about someone really do wear on you enough to drive you crazy. But at this point, your man has had them for probably his whole life, and he’s not about to change no matter how much he loves you. It’s up to you to either accept them as a part of who he is or let him go so he can find someone who can deal with those parts of him and you can find someone who doesn’t have those same qualities.
  9. Nightmare: You go along with everything he says without question. It’s one thing to point out how similar you guys are to try to strengthen the connection between you, but it’s another thing entirely to turn into a pushover the moment you start falling for someone. Not only is it insulting to yourself to agree with everything your man says regardless if you agree with him or not, but lacking your own opinion is a seriously unattractive quality. If your guy wants a woman to act as his equal (and any man worth dating WILL want you to be his equal), he’ll quickly get sick of a girl who doesn’t have the balls to disagree with him.
  10. Dream: You have your own opinions and aren’t afraid to stick up for yourself. You’re a strong, independent woman, and you shouldn’t be afraid to show it to the person you’ve chosen as your partner. It’s always a good sign if you agree with your S.O. most of the time, but when you don’t agree with him or when he’s crossing your boundaries, sticking up for yourself will cement your place in the relationship as someone who can hold her own and has a serious backbone.
  11. Nightmare: You play games trying to make him jealous. Flirting with a hot guy in front of your boyfriend or husband is a real jerk move. If someone’s ever pulled the same trick on you to try to “remind you what you have,” you know that it makes you angry more than anything. Trying to make your guy super jealous to get what you want out of him is such a high school move, and if you’re a grown woman, you’re old enough to know that there are way better ways to get a guy’s attention.
  12. Dream: You make him feel secure in the relationship. You don’t have to hang all over him in public (and in fact, you probably shouldn’t overdo the PDA), but giving your partner little displays of affection when another guy is trying to put the moves on you is an easy way to remind him that HE is the one you want. A little bit of flirting is usually harmless, but it should never be done as a way to make your S.O. feel like you’re thinking about cheating or leaving him for someone else. An awesome girlfriend will never manipulate her BF into feeling like their relationship is in jeopardy when it isn’t.
  13. Nightmare: You try to change yourself trying to be what he wants. Just like the girl who can’t stick up for what she believes in, the girl who changes major aspects of herself to please someone else isn’t one who should be in a committed relationship. Pretending to like things you hate or changing your entire style to fit what a guy might like isn’t just a serious turn-off; it’s a disservice to yourself. Your personality has been shaped by your life experiences, and throwing parts of that away just to make your boyfriend happy will eventually make both of you miserable when the real you starts fighting to come out.
  14. Dream: You stay true to who you are. A man who is worth your time will love you for who you really are rather than who you feel like you need to be in order to please him. People can see it when someone is trying to hide certain parts of themselves, and it can create an air of mistrust in a relationship. A girl who is authentic and unapologetically herself will be happier whether she’s single or dating someone, and that confidence and honesty will make her irreplaceable in a relationship.
  15. Nightmare: You expect him to be “manly” 100% of the time. If you’re the type of woman who likes her men loaded up with testosterone, you’re not alone. But just like you probably have a rougher side, your boyfriend probably has a softer side. At some point, he might get emotional or reveal that he enjoys the occasional spa day or chick flick. If you shame him for that, even just once, you’re showing him he can’t open up to you. Besides, it’s 2016 — if you’re still stuck on archaic gender stereotypes, you need to update your mentality before jumping into a relationship.
  16. Dream: You support him when he shows his vulnerable side. Being able to trust someone so completely that you can vent to them or cry around them is a huge deal, and your boyfriend will absolutely appreciate it if you show you can be that person for him. The first time you or your partner goes through a tough time is a huge test that can reveal whether or not your relationship will work in the long term. If you can be the awesome woman who supports him rather than judges him, you can bet he’s going to want you to stick around.
  17. Nightmare: You use sex as a weapon. Sex is a huge part of a relationship, and the moment someone starts withholding it to “punish” their partner, things can go south very quickly. It’s one thing to not be in the mood because you guys are going through a rough patch, but using it as a way to manipulate your BF into doing what you want is crappy behavior that shows you’re not ready for a mature relationship.
  18. Dream: You use sex as a way to make your relationship stronger. There’s a lot of vulnerability in having a sexual relationship with someone, and trusting your partner with your body is huge when it comes to strengthening a relationship. Trying new things and having honest conversations about what you both like and don’t like in the bedroom will do much more than improve your sex life— it will also make your relationship stronger even when you’re both fully clothed.
  19. Nightmare: You stay silent about things that bother you. Are you the kind of person who says “Oh, nothing,” when someone asks what’s bugging you, even if something is really, really wrong? If so, you’re going to do a lot more harm than good to your relationship. Staying silent about why you’re mad at your S.O. is poor communication at best and downright manipulative at worst. If you’re just not in the mood to talk about it, the least you can do is let your boyfriend know that you’ll talk about it later after you’ve had time to collect your thoughts.
  20. Dream: You communicate openly. A person who is clear about things that make her happy, angry, or sad is much easier to spend time around. There’s nothing worse than having to play a guessing game about what’s going through your partner’s head, and just as you want your guy to communicate with you, he’s going to want a woman who is open about what she’s feeling. You don’t have to be a completely open book or treat your partner as your diary, but giving them a little insight into what your mind is going through can prevent a lot of unnecessary arguments and assumptions.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.