Are You Guilty Of Being A Cyber Troll? How To Be A More Compassionate Person

Are You Guilty Of Being A Cyber Troll? How To Be A More Compassionate Person

Nobody logs onto the internet planning to become a digital villain, yet here we are. The endless scroll, the heated debates, the comments section that brings out the worst in us. Somewhere between sarcasm and savagery, the line between humor and harm gets blurred. If you’ve ever typed something you wouldn’t say in person, it might be time for a reset. Here’s how to stop being a cyber troll and start being a more compassionate person.

1. Ask Yourself: Would I Say This To Their Face?

Yuri A/Shutterstock

Online anonymity is a double-edged sword. It allows for open dialogue but also emboldens people to say things they’d never dare to in real life. If your comment would make things awkward at a dinner party, it’s probably too harsh for the internet. The internet may feel like a game, but real people are on the receiving end of your words. Before hitting send, imagine the person in front of you—would you still say it?

Most trolls justify their comments by calling them “just jokes.” But humor that punches down isn’t clever; it’s cruel. Think about whether your words would wound or empower. If it’s the former, it’s not a joke—it’s an attack. Compassion starts with self-awareness, and recognizing when you’re being mean is step one.

2. Recognize That Not Every Opinion Needs Your Input

The urge to correct, critique, or counter someone online is tempting. But not every argument is worth diving into. If your response isn’t constructive, it’s likely unnecessary. The internet will not crumble if you let a wrong opinion go unchecked. Sometimes, the most powerful move is scrolling past.

According to the Foundation for Economic Education, engaging in every online debate can be exhausting and unproductive; it’s essential to choose your battles wisely. Being silent doesn’t mean you’re weak; it means you value your energy. Engaging in every online debate can be exhausting and unproductive. Instead of adding to the noise, focus on conversations that truly matter to you. Pick your battles, and let the rest go. Your peace of mind will thank you.

3. Stop Confusing Brutal Honesty With Rudeness

Two,Young,Women,Argue,In,Cafe

Being “brutally honest” is often just an excuse to be mean. Honesty doesn’t have to hurt—there’s always a way to be truthful without tearing someone down. If you think your “truth” might sting, ask yourself if it’s really necessary. Would you say it that way to a friend? If not, reword it or skip it altogether.

According to ESoft Skills, the concept of “brutal honesty” can often serve as a justification for rudeness, highlighting the importance of delivering truth with tact. Criticism without kindness is just cruelty. A little tact goes a long way in making feedback more digestible. The goal should be to help, not humiliate. If your honesty is more brutal than helpful, it’s time to rethink your approach. Compassionate people know that delivery is everything.

4. Understand That No One Wins A Comment War

Arguing in the comments section rarely changes minds. According to BioLogos, more often than not, it fuels division and leads to unnecessary stress. Nobody logs off thinking, “Wow, that stranger really made me rethink my entire belief system.” If anything, online fights only strengthen people’s existing opinions. Before you engage, ask yourself: What’s my goal here?

The truth is, people rarely debate in good faith online. Without tone, nuance, or body language, it’s easy for messages to be misinterpreted. Instead of arguing, try seeking understanding. If that’s not possible, let it go. Winning a debate online isn’t worth losing your sanity.

5. Be Wary Of The Digital Mob Mentality

The internet thrives on outrage. When a person makes a mistake, it doesn’t take long for the masses to descend. Cancel culture, while sometimes necessary, often escalates into public shaming. Before you join the pile-on, consider whether the backlash is proportionate. Is it about accountability, or is it just entertainment?

The ESafety Commissioner’s website warns that anonymity and identity shielding can spur harmful behaviors, contributing to mob mentality in online spaces. Mob mentality can turn everyday people into villains. What starts as criticism can quickly morph into harassment. If you’re about to contribute to a public takedown, pause. Are you helping or just adding fuel to the fire? Compassion means holding people accountable without dehumanizing them.

6. Stop Using “It’s Just The Internet” As An Excuse

annoyed woman on phone
Enes Evren/Shutterstock

Dismissive phrases like “it’s just the internet” allow toxic behavior to thrive. The digital world is still part of the real world. Words typed behind a screen still carry weight. The idea that online interactions don’t matter is a myth. Cyberbullying, hate speech, and trolling have real-life consequences.

Cognition Today suggests that people may act out online in ways they wouldn’t in person, often using the internet as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. The internet is an extension of society, not an escape from decency. If you wouldn’t act that way in person, don’t do it online. Respect should be a default setting, not an optional feature. A compassionate person treats digital spaces with the same care as physical ones. Being online is no excuse for being unkind.

7. Acknowledge That Mistakes Don’t Define A Person

Stressed young married couple sitting separately on different sides of sofa ignoring each other after quarrel. Offended spouses not talk communicate feeling depressed disappointed after argue.

People mess up. They say the wrong thing, they learn, they grow. But on the internet, one mistake can follow a person forever. Holding someone accountable is different from branding them as irredeemable. If someone apologizes and makes an effort to change, let them.

We are all works in progress. Expecting perfection from others while excusing your own flaws is hypocrisy. Give people room to grow, just as you’d want for yourself. Compassion means allowing people the space to evolve. The internet should be a place for learning, not lifelong condemnation.

8. Consider The Mental Health Impact Of Your Words

Sad, frustrated young brunette woman is crying with smartphone in hands while she sitting on the chair at apartment

Words hold power. A cruel comment can ruin someone’s day, week, or even their life. The internet has seen too many tragedies born from online bullying. What may seem like a throwaway insult to you could be the final straw for someone else. Mental health struggles are invisible—assume that everyone is fighting a battle you can’t see.

Compassionate people use their words to uplift, not destroy. Instead of tearing someone down, consider what encouragement would look like. If you wouldn’t want to hear it about yourself, don’t say it to someone else. Kindness is free, and it changes more than you think. The internet could use more of it.

9. Learn The Difference Between Criticism And Harassment

two female friends laughing at phone

Criticism is meant to be constructive, while harassment is persistent and aggressive. If your comments are attacking someone repeatedly, it’s no longer critique—it’s bullying. There’s a fine line between holding someone accountable and being cruel for sport. Ask yourself whether your words add value or just pile on negativity. If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to someone else.

Accountability should always be balanced with empathy. The goal should be growth, not destruction. People respond better to kindness than cruelty. If your criticism doesn’t leave room for improvement, it’s not helpful. Choose words that guide rather than wound.

10. Be The Kind Of Person You’d Want To Meet Online

two friends looking at a cell phone

The internet is a shared space, and the energy you bring to it matters. If you wouldn’t want to interact with someone acting like you, it’s time to rethink your approach. Positive engagement fosters a better online experience for everyone. Be supportive, offer constructive feedback, and avoid unnecessary negativity. The way you treat people online is a reflection of who you are.

Before you post, consider whether your comment contributes to a meaningful conversation. Are you adding value, or just making noise? Be the reason someone logs off feeling better, not worse. Small acts of kindness online can make a significant impact. Lead by example and set a tone of respect and empathy.

11. Apologize When You’re Wrong

passive-aggressive signs

Nobody enjoys admitting they were wrong, but it’s an essential part of growth. Owning up to mistakes shows maturity and integrity. A sincere apology can repair relationships and de-escalate conflicts. Avoid defensiveness and instead focus on understanding how your words affected others. A well-placed apology can go a long way in making the internet a kinder space.

Accountability doesn’t mean self-shaming; it means acknowledging mistakes and striving to do better. If someone calls you out, take a moment before responding. Reacting with anger or denial only worsens the situation. Reflect on their words, learn from them, and adjust your approach. The ability to apologize is a sign of emotional intelligence and strength.

12. Support Positive Conversations

Online spaces don’t have to be battlegrounds. They can be places where people uplift and encourage one another. Engaging in positive discussions fosters a more welcoming internet. Rather than tearing someone down, contribute with words that support and inspire. Being kind isn’t about avoiding serious topics—it’s about handling them with care.

Encouraging others online can be as simple as liking a thoughtful comment or sharing a constructive opinion. Avoid jumping into drama for entertainment. When conversations take a negative turn, steer them toward understanding. A compassionate person brings light to discussions rather than fueling negativity. Set an example by making digital interactions more uplifting.

13. Give People The Benefit Of The Doubt

People have bad days, misunderstandings happen, and not every mistake is intentional. Instead of assuming the worst about someone’s words or actions, consider that they may not have meant any harm. Miscommunication is easy online, where tone and body language are absent. Before jumping to conclusions, ask questions or clarify their intent.

Choosing to believe in the good of others can make a significant difference in how online conversations unfold. Being overly critical or skeptical can create unnecessary hostility. Giving people grace and a chance to explain themselves fosters more productive discussions. Kindness is contagious, and offering the benefit of the doubt can lead to a more compassionate digital space. It’s a small change with a big impact.

14. Take Breaks From The Internet

The internet can be overwhelming, especially when negativity dominates the conversation. Constant exposure to online drama, debates, and hostility can take a toll on your mental health. Taking breaks from social media and online platforms helps you regain perspective and reset your emotional state. Stepping away isn’t avoidance—it’s self-care.

Unplugging for a few hours or even a day can make a noticeable difference in your mood and stress levels. Use that time to reconnect with the real world, engage in hobbies, or spend time with loved ones. A refreshed mind is less likely to engage in reactive or toxic online behavior. Balance is key, and prioritizing offline moments can help you approach online interactions with more patience and kindness.

15. Lead With Kindness, Break The Cycle of Toxicity

The internet is what we make it, and every interaction contributes to the overall experience. Leading with kindness sets a positive example for others and encourages more meaningful discussions. Whether it’s a compliment, a thoughtful comment, or simply refraining from negativity, small acts of kindness create ripple effects. Choose to be the person who uplifts rather than tears down.

Kindness doesn’t mean avoiding tough conversations—it means approaching them with respect and understanding. Even when disagreeing, it’s possible to be firm without being cruel. The way you treat people online reflects your character, and compassion is always the better choice. If enough people commit to kindness, the internet can become a better, more welcoming place for everyone.

Suzy Taylor is an experienced journalist with four years of expertise across prominent Australian newsrooms, including Nine, SBS, and CN News. Her career spans both news and lifestyle outlets, as well as media policy - most recently, she worked for a not-for-profit organization dedicated to promoting media diversity. Currently, Suzy writes and edits content for Bolde Media, with a focus on their widely-read site, StarCandy.