I’m going to be perfectly honest here — I’m a bit insatiable when it comes to sex. My partner? Not so much, and I’ve basically been a real bitch trying to make our sex lives more compatible. Amazingly, once I figured out what not to do, our sex has gotten infinitely better. If you find yourself in a similar position, here are some rules to live by:
Don’t guilt trip.
Yes, it’s been three days and you’re jonesing for some action, but guilt trips aren’t healthy. Don’t make him feel guilty for changing his mind if he said you’d have sex that night but then isn’t in the mood. Don’t make him feel guilty for not initiating sex either — you’d be pissed if he did that to you.
You’re not a child, so don’t act like one. Not only is it completely ridiculous and unfair, it’s also not very attractive and won’t make him any more likely to want to have sex. Sometimes even you’re not in the mood, so try to be understanding and mature about it.
Obviously you know not to threaten to look elsewhere to have your sexual needs satisfied — hat’s a quick way to get dumped. But also don’t say crap like, “Fine, I guess we’ll just never have sex again.” It makes you seem manipulative. Plus, you know you love sex too much, so it’s just unrealistic.
Don’t get your feelings hurt.
This is the hardest one. It’s natural to feel a bit rejected when your partner doesn’t want to have sex, but with good communication, you can understand and accept that it’s not you. He may just not be horny, or he may have some other issues going on. If you were the issue, he wouldn’t be sleeping with you at all.
Women are excellent at nagging — it’s basically a superpower. By all means, nag him about putting down the toilet seat or not cleaning up after himself, but don’t nag him about sex. I don’t care if you’re drunk and horny after your girls’ night. Badgering him about sex is a really great way to start a fight.
Don’t bitch to your friends.
Obviously you should talk to your friends about your awesome sex last night. Talk to your friends about your funny sex stories. Hell, talk about how big he is. But under no circumstances should you go bitching about his low sex drive to your friends. There are some things that need to stay between couples.
Don’t dump him until you try to fix it.
You need to be sexually compatible to have a really successful relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should just dump him because you’re not getting sex as often as you want. Explain your needs to him, and be understanding of his. If you’re really serious, consider meeting with a therapist. Many times these incompatibility issues can be fixed with some work.
The key of a healthy sex life is good communication. If you’re understanding of his sex drive, he’ll be understanding of yours. Just don’t be bitchy about it, or he won’t want to meet your needs.
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