Are You The Only One? 12 Surprising Signs He’s Dating Other People

You’re probably on high alert for the obvious warning signs that your boyfriend is cheating — being secretive with his phone, going AWOL for days at a time, generally acting shady, etc. — but some guys have gotten pretty good at hiding their shady behavior. However, you notice any of these seemingly innocuous things happening, he might be seeing someone else behind your back:

  1. He insults another woman. There’s “mentionitis,” when a guy mentions another woman all the time. It alerts you to something shady possibly going on with her. Then there’s a twisted version of “mentionitis.” This is when he mentions another woman, such as a friend or colleague, but in an insulting way so that you don’t think she’s a threat. Meanwhile, he’s totally doing her.
  2. He suddenly revamps his wardrobe and asks for your opinion on his new look. You might be relieved to see him throw out those nasty chinos he loves to wear, but if he’s changing his fashion sense, it might be because he’s got a new woman he wants to impress. You might be flattered that he’s asking for your opinion on the new clothes, but that could just be a clever tactic of his to prevent you from getting suspicious about his makeover.
  3. Your sex life has changed for the better. He now does all these cool and interesting things in the bedroom that he never used to do before. You wonder if he’s been reading up on great sex to keep the flame alive, but it might be that he’s getting lots of practice with someone else — or he’s using YOU as practice. Crap!
  4. He has a milestone birthday coming up. Studies have shown that when people get nearer to their big 30th, 40th or 50th birthdays, they tend to think harder about their lives or what changes they should make because these birthdays feel so important. So if he’s got a big birthday coming up and he’s quite anxious or excited about it, keep an eye out. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to cheat, but it definitely increases the likelihood, especially if he’s showing other signs of wandering.
  5. He leaves his phone around you. He doesn’t care about leaving his phone around you and leaving the room or going to the bathroom and leaving it on the table when you’re out. You might think this is a huge sign you can trust him, but it could also just mean that he’s clever enough to delete his messages and is going overboard on trying to prove how loyal he is.
  6. He’s started buying you a lot of gifts. Sometimes cheaters will start to increase the attention they pay their S.O.s because they feel guilty about their affair. If he’s suddenly showering you with flowers or jewelry when that was definitely not his bag before, it might be a sign that something’s not right. Why is he suddenly trying so hard?
  7. He’s really making strides to improve himself. It’s not just changes to his appearance you should worry about. If your BF is suddenly making changes to try to be a better guy or he wants to overhaul his career when he’s literally never talked about it before, it might be because the other woman in his life is making him question things or putting pressure on him to change.
  8. He’s moody all the time now and blames work. When a guy’s very moody, it might make you fear he’s cheating. If he tells you the reason for his attitude, such as the huge amount of stress at work, you might immediately feel calmer and think it’s cool because he’s opening up to you. If your gut is still telling you something’s wrong despite his excuses, you should listen to it. He could really be moody because he’s dissatisfied in your relationship and using work as an excuse to make you stop asking him questions.
  9. He’s more spontaneous than usual. If the guy seems like he’s more daring and fun, you might welcome the change, but it could be because he’s cheating. The excitement of his affair could be making him want to take more risks. So, when he suggests you both blow off work and go on a mini holiday or he wants to get totally wasted even though it’s really unlike him, be warned.
  10. He teases you, but it doesn’t feel playful. It can be cute when your partner teases you, but if you feel that the teasing is actually mean or there’s a nasty undercurrent, he could be showing signs that he’s not happy in the relationship anymore. He brushes off his comments as jokes but he’s really bringing you down.
  11. He pushes you to spend time with other people. He used to miss you when you went out for girls’ nights or weekends, but now he’s actually encouraging you to call up your besties and paint the town pink. Hmmm. Could it be that he’d like to have the house all to himself on the weekend?
  12. He’s interested in things he never used to be. The guy never expressed interest in dogs, but now he suddenly wants a puppy. He never cared about clean eating, now he’s switching to an organic diet. If he’s changing quite a bit when it comes to his interests, it could be that he’s just taking on the interests of the other woman. Bastard.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.