Are You Really Scaring Guys Away Or They Just Not Right For You?

Have you been told you’re too intense by guys who’ve rejected you? Maybe you’ve been said to come on too strong or that you’re a bit intimidating? Whatever you’ve been called, it’s time to realize that it’s impossible to scare someone away. They’re leaving because they’re not right for you, it’s as simple as that. Here are some things to bear in mind if you’ve ever “scared” someone away.

  1. He could be projecting onto you. Maybe the guy who called you too intense or told you to chill, was actually trying to make you out to be the bad guy because he’s got issues. Maybe he can’t handle a woman who wants to define the relationship because he’s actually avoiding commitment. It’s important to remember that it’s convenient to call you intense or clingy for wanting what he doesn’t want.
  2. You’re incorrectly thinking you have to fit in. It’s easy to think that you have to be a certain way in order to fit into the category of what men are looking for, but guess what? There is no category! Every guy will desire something different. The best bet is always to just be yourself.
  3. You’re wasting your time. Instead of trying to be what you think a guy you’ve started dating will want, you should actually be changing the type of people you’re chasing. Dating is really all about finding the right person who shares some of your best traits and who “gets” you. It’s not about trying to win over the people who are clearly wrong for you.
  4. You’re not supposed to do so much work. While we can and should work on ourselves to better ourselves and fine-tune what we’re looking for, that doesn’t mean dating has to be some hectic chore. If you approach it thinking that you’re too intimidating to guys so you have to work on being less so, that can overwhelm you before you start! Besides, what’s intimidating to one person isn’t intimidating to the next.
  5. You don’t actually need to change. Here’s the thing: unless you have some really toxic behaviors you need to change so that you can enter a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t be changing who you are out of some idea that you’re not good enough. For the right person, you won’t need to change. You’re dateable as you are.
  6. You’ve been rejected too many times. And it’s really weighing you down. It’s making you think that you’re “scary” to others. The truth is that you just haven’t found the right person who appreciates all that you’re about. Don’t start doubting yourself because of a few failures.
  7. You deserve to be loved unconditionally. If you’ve been told you scare people away, that can make you feel that you won’t be able to find love, but that’s BS. You deserve someone who will love you based on who you are, not who you could be when you decide to become a mellow girlfriend.
  8. You should never deny what you want. When some women are called intimidating or intense, they tend to try to be chilled or go with the flow, because they think this will make them more appealing in the dating game. The problem is that they start wearing Chilled GF masks when deep down they’re just not the type to ignore what their partners are doing or go with the flow, and that’s fine. The worst thing about trying to go with the flow is that you end up denying yourself what you really want, like an official and exclusive relationship.
  9. If they’re scared away, they’re the problem. You know those guys who tell you that they feel so strongly for you that they have to dump you because it’s just too scary? Yeah, those cowards. Don’t walk away from them thinking you’re somehow the problem. If they can’t handle you, that’s their problem. If you’re a Ferrari and people are too timid to drive you, are you really going to turn yourself into a VW Beetle? Of course you. You’re going to find someone who can handle you.
  10. It’s better to be scary than settle. Honestly, after reading this, hopefully you’ve realized that it’s actually better to be seen as someone who scares men away because it means that you’re occupying your space in life and you’re being your crazy/wonderful/passionate self! I’d rather be all of those things instead of someone who censors herself in order to settle.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.