Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship? 16 Ways To Tell

We like to think that we make logical, well-informed behavioral decisions most of the time, but sometimes our fears get the best of us and we go in the wrong direction. One way this plays out is in sabotaging everything good in our lives, and our relationships are not immune. Here are some signs you might be accidentally ruining a good thing.

  1. You change your mind about him overnight. Feelings ebb and flow, but sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking that our romantic partners are actually monsters, despite nothing about their behavior demonstrating this.
  2. You look for physical things you don’t like about him. He’s cool, but suddenly you can’t deal his hands. Or his feet, or his hairline for that matter. Who does this guy think he is?
  3. Being conditional with giving. You haven’t stopped doing stuff for him, but you always think about whether he really deserves it and expect that he should do something in return.
  4. You start texting your exes for no reason. You definitely don’t want to see you ex, but for some reason you just feel like stirring things up and contacting him, anyway.
  5. You’re not listening. You would be pissed if he stopped listening to you, but lately you just don’t feel like soaking in what he’s got to say.
  6. You know you’re picking weird fights and don’t know why. Honestly, you could care less about his plans to go out tonight but for some reason you can’t stop sassing him about it.
  7. You feel resentful about his unwavering adoration. You can just look at him and feel irritated that he’s so nice to you, though you’re not sure why.
  8. Playing the guessing game. If you don’t tell the guy what you need, he’s not going to know. Don’t fall into the self-fulfilling prophesy of being let down, when you’re really letting yourself down.
  9. You shy away from intimate moments. You used to love cuddling, but these days when sex is done, you sprint to the kitchen for water and don’t look back.
  10. One bad mood sends you over the edge. When your guy has a bad day, it’s suddenly impossible for you to see past it and you start questioning how you ever had a bond at all.
  11. You’re trying to turn him into someone else. A relationship is the coming together of two different people, not an opportunity to meld into one. Let him keep his autonomy otherwise you’re destined to go down the drain.
  12. You’re saying things that you don’t mean. You probably shouldn’t have told him that he’s destined to be a bum like his father, but it just came out.
  13. Putting all the blame on him. Deep down you must know that he’s not out to get you, but you wouldn’t know that by the way you’re blaming him for every issue in your life.
  14. Not making an effort to keep the romance alive. We might not always be in the googly-eyed stages of lust, but keeping a romantic bond is possible when both people are up for making it work.
  15. Asking him to do better and then not appreciating it. Yeah, it’s cool that he listened to you for once and started making the bed without your asking, but you feel like he only did it because you brought it up last week.
  16. Focusing on the negatives. Every person and every relationship has their positives and negatives, but it’s how you deal with them that define your happiness. If it’s not time to walk away, it might be time for an attitude readjustment.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog