Are You TOO Independent? 8 Questions To Ask Yourself

Being an independent woman is admirable, but too much of a good thing can be bad news. You may love your independence, but you still need to be able to lean on others every once in a while. If you’re starting to think you might be too independent, ask yourself these questions:

  1. How many nights do you spend alone? This has nothing to do with your current sleeping arrangement — this is about people in general. How often do you see your friends and family? Spending 90% of your free time by yourself isn’t healthy. You can be your own best friend, but you shouldn’t be your only friend.
  2. Who do you lean on when times get tough? If you automatically answered that question with yourself, then you’ve already failed. You need people in your life that you can depend on. You can’t have your own back. Life wasn’t meant to be lived alone, so find a person to be that rock you can always depend on because your life deserves to be shared.
  3. Can you picture yourself with someone else? Not a casual relationship, but an always and forever kind of love. Can you see yourself opening your heart up to someone else? What about walking down that aisle? Can you give your heart away to one guy and one guy only? Can you promise forever? Having the thought of a love like that might scare you, but if you can’t even bear to picture it, then you’re far too independent.
  4. What keeps you up at night? Is the stress of your independence weighing you down? Life is hard, there’s no doubt about that. That’s why you need a social life to help relieve that stress and people you can depend on to help carry the load. You don’t have to go through life alone. It’s OK to need other people — you just have to allow yourself to depend on someone else.
  5. Who’s your best friend? Do you even have one? You might find strength in your independence, but letting your pride stand in the way of friendship is just plain weak. You need other people in your life and you need to have the strength to let someone else in. Why are you using your independence as a shield? What are you really afraid of?
  6. Are you lonely? Saying no to that question doesn’t make you safe. Maybe you’re not lonely because you actually have people around you, and that’s a good thing. On the other hand, maybe you’re not lonely because you’ve been alone for so long that loneliness cease to exist — AKA you’re numb to the pain, and there’s nothing more tragic than that.
  7. Why are you single? It’s a real question with a million reasonable answers, the best being you just haven’t met the one yet. A bad answer would be that you’re single because you can’t allow yourself to depend on someone else. It’s heartbreaking to know that the only thing standing in your way of love and true happiness is you. Don’t let that be your story.
  8. Why are you asking yourself this question? It’s pretty damn clear you’re already worried here. Why is that? Could it be that you’re already unhappy with your current circumstance? If you were truly happy in your independence and living an emotionally nurturing lifestyle, then you wouldn’t be asking yourself this question. You wouldn’t be worried in the first place. You’d be blissfully content. Think of it this way — you don’t look for ways to solve problems that you don’t have.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.