Kindness is in short supply in the world, so it’s natural to assume that being nice to everyone you meet is a good thing — and for the most part, it is. However, it’s possible to have too much of a good thing, and if you’re putting other people ahead of yourself or you’re super drained because people are taking advantage of your kindness, you may need to reel it in a bit. Here’s how you know you’re overdoing it with the niceness.
1. You say “yes” when you’re not keen to do something.
You might think it’s better to be kind to others by doing what they want or need even if you don’t want to give them a ride to the airport or babysit for them. But are you really doing yourself any favors? If you’re doing this regularly, you’re lying to them and hurting yourself by doing things you don’t want to do.
2. You pretend you’re fine when you’re not.
Maybe you don’t like showing your true feelings out of fear of causing conflict. The sad thing about this is that by not being unapologetically yourself, you’re preventing people from knowing what you really think or feel. This not only builds resentment that will likely lead to a serious outburst down the line, but it also leaves you feeling isolated and alone.
3. You’re always ready to forgive.
Forgiving people when they mess up is a kind gesture — hey, everyone deserves a second chance, right? That being said, if you’re always wiping the slate clean even though they keep on hurting you, they’re not worthy of your kindness anymore. They’re taking advantage of you and you’re letting them. (P.S. If your kindness has hurt you specifically in romantic relationships, you might benefit from checking out our sister site, Sweetn. They have amazing tips, tricks, and advice to completely change your approach to love.)
4. You’re expected to do certain things.
You’re in such a habit of being kind and generous that people around you have grown to expect this behavior from you. So, they’ll tell you they need more money instead of politely asking because you always say it’s no big deal. You’ve trained them to walk all over you, and they’re more than happy to do it.
5. You’re always ready to apologize.
You might feel the need to apologize for everything, even things you haven’t done or that really aren’t your fault. Why is that? It’s coming across as insecure, but you could be trying to ensure that you don’t wreck anyone’s mood. Other people’s moods are not your responsibility! Plus, your “I’m sorry” will become meaningless when it comes out of your mouth multiple times a day. Save it for when it’s truly warranted.
6. You’re using kindness to get approval.
If you’re being overly kind to your friends to make them love you, this is a huge red flag that you’re overdoing it and it’s become a manipulative tactic. Sure, you want to be good to the people you care about, but you don’t have to work hard to earn anyone’s approval or love. If you do, they’re worthy of being in your life.
7. You never ask anyone for help.
Maybe you’re the person people run to when they need help because you’re so kind, but what about when you need help? Do you reach out to them, or do you try to be self-sufficient so you can be the superhero of your social circle? If you try to do everything yourself, you end up becoming a martyr and it will definitely kill your energy.
8. You put other people’s needs ahead of yours.
It’s great to consider what other people need in your friendship or relationship, but what about your needs? If you’re always meeting people halfway to accommodate them but they don’t do the same for you, that’s not fair. You shouldn’t need to sacrifice your well-being for the sake of keeping other people happy.
9. Your social calendar is filled with events you don’t enjoy.
You might think it’s no big deal for your friends to organize social events and choose what you always do when hanging out, but it can build resentment. Who wants to spend all their free time having a horrible time? Why choose that? It’s not just okay to speak up and suggest your own plans, they’d probably appreciate if you did!
10. You don’t stand up for yourself.
When people criticize or insult you, you don’t stick up for yourself. Maybe you’re so used to being overly kind to everyone that you’ve lost your boundaries. People think they can treat you like crap because you’re always so soft and sweet. In other words, your kindness is making them disrespect you.
11. You don’t respect yourself.
It’s hard for other people to respect you if you’re not respecting yourself. Again, it’s about setting healthy boundaries and saying “no” sometimes. You should have a firm enough grasp on your self-worth to not feel you have to kill yourself to please everyone. People will take your cues on how you want to be treated, so treat yourself with dignity and consideration.
12. You’re super drained.
If you’re always giving to everyone around you, you might feel like you have zero energy left for your own needs. You might be walking around like a zombie, totally emotionally and mentally exhausted because your kindness is burning you out. It’s not worth it! You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all.
13. Your friends are needy.
Your friends seem to need so much from you, but you could be partly to blame for this. Maybe you’re sending out human doormat vibes. People think that they can spend all day venting to you and you’ll be there to help them no matter what. While it’s great to be supportive, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your own well-being.
14. You’re being dumped with drama.
Some people might turn to you with all the drama they’re going through, maybe to get your advice or because they need your help. It’s a lot to take on other people’s stuff! You’re not their parent or psychologist, so why is it your responsibility? You’ve got your own issues to deal with.
15. You’re walking around with tons of anxiety.
If you’re feeling more anxious than usual, it could be because you’re overexerting yourself for others. It’s a red flag that you’re doing too much and totally ignoring your health and what you need. Let that anxiety be a sign to stop and think about yourself for a change! Don’t let your kindness hurt you.
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