Maybe you think it’s great that you’re settled in your relationship — feeling comfortable and safe are good things, after all — but if you’re settling, that’s a more sinister type of being settled. You’re wasting your time because your relationship is a permanent dead-end. How can you tell if you’re accepting less than you deserve? Watch out for these signs:
Your mind wanders when you’re with your partner. Ever wondered why you’re so distracted when they talk about their friends’ latest shenanigans or you’re out doing your regular Saturday hobbies? You’re bored AF. Your mind can’t help but wander to get out of the RL situation. If you were in the right relationship for you, anyone or anything else wouldn’t even be a consideration.
Your future life picture is free of them. Think of your life in 10 or 20 years. Do you see your S.O. standing next to you as you climb Everest or reach the top of the corporate ladder? No? Then why are they in your life now? Wasting time on someone you can’t imagine building forever with isn’t helping anyone.
Your friends ask if you’re happy. A lot. You tell your friends you’re doing great in your relationship and are happy, but they just don’t seem to buy it. Maybe they see that you’re not as into it as you should be, in spite of your words. Take their comments into account — sometimes people see into your relationship much better than you do when you’re stuck in it.
You can go hours without chatting to your partner. When you’re not with your partner, you don’t have the urge to speak to him. If they text you, you can happily take hours to reply. Hey, you might not even realize that it’s been a day or two and they haven’t been in touch because you’re having such a good time.
When something exciting happens, your S.O. isn’t on speed-dial. It’s not just with texting them that you take your time, but also when telling them about the great day you had. You’d rather just call your BFF. Maybe you feel your partner just won’t be happy for you or you don’t feel the need to share good times with them, which are both signs something’s not right.
You dread being single. When you imagine being out of the relationship, you feel terrified about being single again. Hmm. Are you sure you’re not just with this person because being in a relationship feels better than being alone? If so, what’s the point if the relationship isn’t making you feel bliss?
You hope things will pick up. You imagine that you’re feeling a little down because you’re just going through a rut, but soon things will become so much better and you’ll be happy… someday. Is it worth waiting for? Why aren’t you happy now? Every couple goes through difficult times but if you’re not happy together most of the time, then you’ve got 99 problems and your relationship is all of them.
You crave time alone. When you organize a bit of time to yourself, you’re super excited about it. You feel like in your relationship you don’t get much time to dedicate to your own hobbies and passions, perhaps because you’re always compromising to match your partner’s needs. That’s a recipe for disaster. If your partner isn’t giving as much as you do, the relationship is unbalanced and you’re the one getting screwed over.
You’ve changed quite a bit. Since being with your partner, you’ve changed and perhaps your friends have even commented on it. You don’t have the same values or ideals anymore or you’re not really focusing on your goals. In fact, you can’t remember the last time you actually worked on them. This is troubling because your relationship should be supporting you and bringing out the best in you, not stifling your growth.
You feel obligated. Sometimes you find yourself doing things just because you know you have to to keep the relationship going. It’s like your relationship is a root canal appointment that you don’t want to go to but that you know you have to get done. Ugh. If you feel you have to do stuff instead of wanting to do it, then you have to ask yourself where your excitement and love has gone. Maybe you’ve forced yourself to deal with a lack of it, but that’s not how relationships are supposed to be! Your relationship should make you feel alive, otherwise it’s too small for you. Cut it out of your life and watch yourself bloom.
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