Are Your Trust Issues Ruining Your Relationship? 10 Signs The Answer Is Yes

Trust is earned, not given to you on a platter. However, that doesn’t mean you should accumulate all your trust issues from the past and dump them on your current partner. If you do, you’ll wreck your relationship – and it could’ve been a good one. Here are 10 signs your trust issues are the third person in your relationship and are threatening to derail it altogether.

  1. You’re expecting your partner to prove you right. If you think that every guy/girl is going to be the same and treat you badly, you’ll be checking out your partner’s moves and be waiting for them to step out of line. They’re late calling you? You’ll think, “Yup, I was right – he’s cheating.” They’re forced to take a rain-check for the first time ever because they have to work? You’ll think, “Yup, I knew it! They’re not into me!” This behavior prevents you from seeing what the person is really about.
  2. You’re snooping up a storm. If you regularly check your partner’s phone or email account, that’s not just a violation of their privacy, but it means that you risk getting into a vicious cycle. You don’t find anything incriminating so you search again, expecting that there has to be something wrong they’re doing. Yikes. It’s clear that the problem goes much deeper than what’s in their Twitter DMs, and now you have the problem of coming clean with them. From thinking they’re the bad guy/girl, now you are.
  3. You’re all about the doubts. You never feel like you can believe what the person says. Now, while this might point to your gut trying to get your attention that they’re not worthy of your time, if you have major trust issues, it could be that the ghost of your previous traumatic experiences is rearing its ugly head. Here’s the thing: you have to give someone a little bit of trust so they can show you if they’re trustworthy or not. If you don’t, your relationship will never take off.
  4. You’ve lost the fun girl. No one should ever put pressure on you to be the fun, carefree girl. You need to be real. But what if you used to be fun, chilled, and spontaneous but now you’re always stressing out? That’s not cool. You’re becoming someone you’re not, always waiting for something bad to happen. Guess what? You’re going to create something bad because of your negative energy – you’re going to push your partner away.
  5. You’re fighting all the time. If you’re always fighting with your partner because you expect they’re going to morph into your nasty ex, you’re going to be butting heads regularly. If this hasn’t happened, it’s going to. Ask yourself if it’s worth it. I bet it’s not.
  6. You social media stalk them. You might not consider this snooping, per se, but it’s more damaging to you and your self-confidence than your relationship. That’s because you’re going to be going through your partner’s feeds at lightning speed trying to find something to get pissed off about. Eek. It’s a horrible way to spend some precious free time before work and you’re always going to feel lousy about it.
  7. You’re a relationship space invader. What happens when you’re worried all the time that he’s going to hurt you or cheat on you? You want to be around him more, so you become clingy, which means you’re now bringing another reason to him for why he shouldn’t be with you. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t let them breathe.
  8. You blame him for things he hasn’t done… yet. You might get mad with him because he mentioned his best friend is a female, or give him the silent treatment because you think he’s not as busy as he says. Woah. Why not just talk to the guy and find out more before you jump the gun and assume that he’s up to something? You’re a GF, not a policewoman.
  9. You’re jelly of their interactions with the opposite sex. Speaking of his female friends, you’re jealous of every single woman that comes into contact with him. Maybe it’s not even his platonic friends, but the pretty waitress at a restaurant or the woman who rings up his purchases at the store and tells him he has a great smile. Yikes. If you’ve been cheated on before, we’re sorry, but you’re not going to have a healthy relationship if you expect that every guy you date is juggling you with 10 others.
  10. You’re blaming them for your issues. Ultimately, when you’re always expecting the person you’re dating to turn out toxic, you’re really just putting all your trust issues onto them. It’s not fair and they don’t deserve it. Well, they might, but you have to wait and see before you lump them into the “toxic AF ex” box that you’re carrying around with you to every Tinder date.

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.