If you’re not ready to be in a relationship with me, that’s the end of it. I’ve got too much to do to sit around and hope for you to be ready. Here are the reasons I won’t wait around for someone:
I spent too long hoping for reality to be different.
I’ve been captivated by someone’s potential too many times. The problem was that I always missed out on what was right in front of me: someone who wasn’t fit to be in a relationship with me at that moment. I really do my best to refrain from hoping reality is different than what you’re showing me now.
I take people at their word.
I really try to look at that reality that people are showing me. If you’re saying that you aren’t ready for a relationship or aren’t looking for anything serious, I’m out. I won’t try to persuade you to feel another way or try to force you to fall in love with me. I’ll believe the words coming out of your mouth and be out the door.
I took too many chances on people hoping they’d change.
I learned from my past mistakes of giving people chances while hoping that they may have just made a few mistakes. Nope, people’s actions are indicative of where they’re at, and I’ve now learned to listen to them. I’m no longer in the game of ignoring dealbreakers. If you’re showing up late, communicating inconsistently, and generally showing signs you’re not in this, I’m not in it either.
Hot and cold screws with your mind and that I’m not interested in.
Inconsistency is the worst. It’s so easy to make excuses like “they’re probably just busy” or “but they say they like me.” In reality, someone who knows my worth won’t jerk me around. They won’t be hot and cold because they’ll know what they have when they have me.
I need someone who communicates like an adult.
There will be no games coming from me. I’ll be clear about how I feel and explicit about when I’m free, and I’ll let you know what’s going on in my life. I’ll tell you what I’m looking for and what my expectations are. I’ll make it easy. If you can’t give me the same decency and respect, I’m not interested. I’ll wait for a grown person who knows how to communicate.
I don’t have commitment issues, and I’m not trying to be with someone who does.
I’m a relationship gal. I’m not here to mess around, play games with each other, or have a one-night stand. I won’t sleep with you right away because I expect to build a relationship with you if we’re both interested. If I find that you have commitment issues and are worried about settling down, that’ll be the end of us. I’m not here to fix you, I’m here to be with someone else who’s already whole.
Most of my baggage is sorted out — I expect the same from you.
I’ve been through a decade of therapy and other means to sort through much of my baggage around relationships and living my life. As a result, I have very healthy coping mechanisms and ways of communicating. I don’t expect your ways of sorting through your baggage to be the same as mine, but I do expect that you’ve put in the work to examine your stuff. If you aren’t ready for a relationship with me, chances are that you have more baggage to sort through.
You need to have your act together.
Look, I’m not shallow — I don’t need you to be rich, debt-free, and living a perfect life. I just want you to be actively following your dreams and living your life to the fullest. This may take the form of a menial day job while you do what you love at night. I don’t really care about the logistics, I just want you to be putting effort into your life. I’m definitely putting effort into my dreams, values, and life.
I want you to be all in.
I know I’m a catch. There are lots of people I could date, so if I’m choosing you, you better believe that I’m all in. I’m dedicated to you, I’m ready to see if it works, and I’m willing to put in the effort. If you want to be with me, there’s no halfway. Either jump in with both feet or stay out of the pool.
My single life is too good to give it up for this crap.
I’m not one of those people who will be with whoever comes along just to quell the loneliness… but I used to be. I’ve outgrown that pattern, though, and now my alone time is solitude. Singlehood is freedom, not punishment. I won’t give it up unless what I’m trading it for is much better. If you aren’t ready to be all in with me, you aren’t getting any of me.
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