Arguing All the Time Doesn’t Mean You’re Passionate, It Means You Need To Break Up

Every couple is different, but most women have experienced that one relationship that was just a bit fierier than all the others. It’s easy to think that arguing all the time is proof of your passion, but the truth is you’re probably just not that well-suited.

  1. Relationships aren’t like they are in movies. We’ve watched and re-watched movie scenes where passionate fights are the way the characters finally realize their love for each other; where an argument becomes a make-out sesh quicker than you can say “we’re breaking up.” Real life fights aren’t like that, though. Most of the time, you’re left feeling hurt and confused and the issue isn’t resolved overnight. When they’re happening regularly, fights are not a way to bring you closer.
  2. You should be trying to make each other happy. The best relationships are where your partner goes out of his way to make you happy and you want to do the same for him. Arguments happen when couples aren’t considering each others’ feelings, or when one person dislikes something the other has done. If this is happening all the time, it looks like you’re not too bothered about making each other happy. That or one of you is totally unreasonable, which is even worse.
  3. It’s natural to love drama, but that doesn’t make it a good thing. From soap operas to a good old-fashioned gossip, we all crave a drama fix from time to time. The problem with getting it through arguing, though, is that you associate that excitement of drama with negative feelings in your relationship. Switching your mood with your significant other every five minutes may be exciting, but it’s certainly not helping your wellbeing.
  4. Don’t get drama confused with passion. While you can have a perfectly happy relationship without a ton of excitement, most women do look for that stomach-flipping feeling in a new relationship. That said, there’s a huge difference between the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you can sense your guy is mad about something and the buzz of excitement when he turns and kisses you unexpectedly. All relationships need a little passion. Drama you can do without.
  5. There are lots of ways to express passion in a relationship. Have you ever been spun the line “the reason we fight so much is that we care so much about each other”? Sorry, but I’m calling bull on that one. Couples that are passionate about each other will be there for them when it really matters and show how they feel through their actions—if anything, arguing all the time just proves you’re not taking the time to listen to what the other person really wants.
  6. You shouldn’t be walking on eggshells around your guy. Arguing in a relationship is a last resort when both of you need to get something off your chest. It’s the ugly sister of a calm discussion that rears its head when tempers are running high. If the slightest thing that goes wrong in your relationship causes an argument, it’s time to consider how you want to be treated by your BF. Feeling like another blow up is constantly around the corner means you can never truly relax with your guy.
  7. An argument is not the same as a discussion. You’re bound to disagree with your BF at some point. What’s different, though, is how you decide to deal with it. A couple that resorts to arguing isn’t going to resolve the problem—both sides will get things off their chests, probably bring up a few other complaints that annoyed them from last week and end up feeling bitter and resentful. Being able to have a discussion about what’s gone wrong without losing your temper means you’re much more likely to get through challenges together in the long run.
  8. Why are you always annoyed at each other anyway? There are times when arguments are almost inevitable. Your first couples holiday, when a big decision lies ahead or when you first move in together are prime examples. Arguing over minor things (like whose turn it was to wash up) or having a big bust up a couple of times a week shows that you’re just not that well-suited. If your BF is pissing you off on a daily or weekly basis, the relationship just isn’t worth the hassle.
  9. Everyone wants to be Ross and Rachel from Friends, but Monica and Chandler were the real winners. Our favorite TV couples have a lot to answer for in our ideas of what makes a good relationship. In Friends, Ross and Rachel were always the couple that viewers wanted to succeed. Their on-off relationship was exciting, but being in it would have been absolutely exhausting. Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler quietly got on with getting to know each other and falling in love. Okay, it makes less exciting TV, but I know which relationship I’d rather be in in the real world.
  10. Arguing all the time is exhausting. The best thing about being in a relationship is knowing that whatever crap you’ve had to face during the day, there’s someone there to cheer you up and take care of you once it’s over. Coming home from a long day at work to be faced with confrontation is just not my idea of a good time. When you’re constantly at each other’s throats you end up physically and emotionally drained. Relationships should be about boosting you up, not sapping all your enthusiasm away.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.