If You Have To Ask Where Things Are Going, You Already Know

A guy who’s truly interested in you will usually let you know his feelings after date two or three. There’s no reason to get months into a relationship without knowing where you stand. If you’ve been together for a while and you still wonder where things are going, you probably already know the answer.

  1. If he didn’t want to lose you, he’d want to lock things down. If you aren’t official, technically you’re still free to go on dates and play the field with other people. By not setting anything in stone, your guy is totally giving you permission to do just that. Say this out loud to yourself: Your guy is giving you the go-ahead to fall in love with someone else.
  2. He’s showing that talking to you about serious stuff is way too difficult for him. He’d rather you “get the hint” or just continue to sleep with him until he can do a slow fade and ghost completely. The fact that he’s never brought it up means that he has the perfect excuse to break your heart without feeling too guilty about it. I mean, it’s not like you’re his girlfriend or anything.
  3. If he was truly into love, he’d have no problem taking that next step. For some guys, having a girlfriend is important — it’s a special connection with someone who just might help him form a family someday. For others, it’s more of a status symbol — someone to screw around with and take to the movies if there’s anything good playing. If you have to ask where things are going, your guy is likely in the second category.
  4. He’s likely too immature to realize how decent relationships work. You’re not a freshman in high school anymore. At this stage, you have more freedom and time to do what you want. And, you know what goes into a real relationship — dedication, trust, and a desire to spend quality time together. If you don’t know where you stand, at least two out of three of these aspects are missing. Cut this guy loose, and don’t waste your time.
  5. Has he introduced you to others as his girlfriend? No? Then you’re not. If the two of you have met one of his friends while out in public, and he stuttered to give you a title (or even worse, referred to you as “friend,”) then you shouldn’t even have to ask where the relationship is going. If he pulled another maneuver, like losing grasp of your hand-hold or suddenly keeping a distance, take note. This guy just doesn’t want to be tied down to you, or even associated with you on a deeper level.
  6. If he’s been really vague about his future plans, take a hint — you’re not in them. I’m not saying that a guy should give you his full 5-year future itinerary, including that next big promotion and marriage. If you’ve just been on a few dates with him, that’s a lot for anyone to handle. I’m talking about being shady about what he’s doing that weekend, or what vacation he’s planning on taking next month. If he can’t even tell you things he’s exciting about, or looking forward to, he doesn’t want you to ask additional questions about it. Why? Since you’re not going to be invited, and he’s not ready to openly admit that to you.
  7. He never answers your text messages, especially if they’re substantial. He’s already trying to make sure you don’t get too attached. That, and he can’t really be bothered by anything that’s heavier than an emoji or a LOL. It’s not cool to constantly text anyone, but if you’re being reasonable and he’s blowing you off, you shouldn’t even bother asking where your relationship is going.
  8. When you try to talk about the relationship, he quickly shuts you down. It’s like you can never get a word in with this guy. At first you thought that maybe he just doesn’t have the personality to chat about serious stuff, but that’s not a quirk — that’s a huge problem. Even if this guy weirdly and uncharacteristically morphs into the love of your life, just imagine trying to get through to him when serious chats need to happen. It’s a huge red flag for many reasons, and a great excuse to walk away.
  9. You’re under the impression that even if you wanted to have the “where are things going” chat, it’d end up in a weird fight. Either he’d turn it around on you and say that you’re being really hard on him, or he’ll continue being vague to try and string you along. A response like “we’ll see” is the most hurtful of all. It’s pretty much saying, “I’m really unsure about all of this, and don’t want you to bring this up further.” (And as a kid, you’ve learned that “We’ll see” always means no.) Don’t let this guy mute you. A crappy and confusing response is the equivalent of getting no response.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.