If You Have To Ask Him What You Are, You’re Nothing

You might be tempted to have “The Talk” with the guy you’re dating to see if you’re on the right track to becoming a couple and on the same page with your feelings, but is it really necessary? It shouldn’t be — if you don’t already know what you are, you’re probably nothing at all.

  1. He should make it clear what he wants. After a while of dating, your guy should speak up if and when he wants to be exclusive with you. If he’s really into you, he will — and pretty early on. You won’t have to ask him because he’ll know from the beginning that you’re the one he wants to be with and he’ll make it obvious.
  2. If it’s been months and you’re still “casually dating,” something’s wrong. It’s normal to date casually at first, but if things just seem to have hit a lull, something’s wrong. Asking him if he sees you as GF potential is a waste of time because if he did, he’d have asked you to be his one and only by now.
  3. Actions matter — watch his closely. Instead of asking him where you’re going or if you’re a couple, check out how he behaves with you as his actions will tell you everything you need to know. Is he not keen to have you stay over at his place? Is he not inviting you to meet his friends? Is he always calling what you have going “hanging out”? These point to him not wanting to be serious with you.
  4. He won’t waste his time. If a guy likes you, he’ll want to make you his, fast. He knows what a catch you are and that you’ll be snapped up by someone else if he doesn’t make his move. Plus, he’ll just want to be with you as soon as possible because he’s so into you. Like hell will he waste time, so don’t waste your time asking him where he’s at.
  5. He won’t waste your time either. He knows that he has to make a move, otherwise you won’t stick around. So why would he be stringing you along, making you wonder if he’s really keen to be your boyfriend or not? It’s because you’re not going anywhere together.
  6. You shouldn’t have to force him. Asking him if you’re a couple or not might feel like the good kind of pressure to put on him. If you confront him, then he’ll be able to make a decision. But why should you have to do so much work? It’s not right and it’s like you’re forcing him to choose you, which never works out.
  7. It makes you look desperateYou might think that since you’ve been dating for two months, it’s cool to have “The Talk,” but honestly, it can look desperate. In his mind, he’s giving you the signs you need to decide to be with him or not. Asking him if you’re a couple just makes it seem like you’re hanging around waiting for him — which you definitely shouldn’t be doing because he should be chasing you.
  8. Uncertainty can be a good thing. If you’ve only been dating for a few weeks and you don’t know what’s going to happen with the guy you’re seeing, this can be exciting and fun. Uncertainty, in this case, can be a good thing. Rushing in and trying to make things official or getting serious too quickly can zap that mystery and intrigue, throwing you off course. Chill out and let things flow for a bit, okay?
  9. Let the truth reveal itself naturally. Maybe in the past, you were used to being the one to make the first move with a guy, but sometimes it can be good to step back and see how things pan out. You have to be patient and know that the truth of your situation will reveal itself. If he’s not asking you out officially and you’ve been “hanging out” for ages, there’s your answer. On the other hand, if you stop initiating contact and he easily takes the lead, showing you that he wants to be with you, that’s a good sign. Stop controlling everything so much and see things for what they are.
  10. Asking can give you a false answer. Sometimes when guys are cornered, they’ll tell you that they’re really into you when they’re actually not. They might do this because they fear that if you know the truth — that is, that the relationship isn’t going anywhere — you’ll bolt and they won’t have a hot date for Saturday night. So if you ask him where things are going, he might just tell you what you want to hear, continuing to string you along. It’s not worth it.
  11. If you can’t believe his actions, you won’t believe his words. His actions will tell you what you need to know, but if you feel you still have to ask him where things are going, then it means you don’t believe what he’s showing you. Or maybe his actions aren’t that promising so you’re hoping against hope that his words will make you feel better. But they won’t. Honestly, if you feel you need to ask him as a last resort, perhaps you already know the answer and it’s not good. Instead of holding onto hope, move on and find someone who won’t leave you with so many question marks. It’s supposed to be a relationship, not a brutal exam.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.