I Asked My Ex For Closure But Ended Up With More Questions Than Before

Closure has always been the most important thing for me when a breakup rears its ugly head, so when my ex didn’t give me the slightest inkling of it, I was pissed. I wanted answers to help me move on from that chapter of my life and I did the unthinkable: I called him to ask him some questions. Here’s what happened (and why it was a big waste of time).

  1. It was weird. Yeah, he was surprised to be hearing from me out of the blue almost two months after our breakup. I told him I wanted to know what had happened and why we’d broken up. FYI, he woke up one morning and said he didn’t think we were compatible and we weren’t working out, whatever that means.
  2. He wasn’t sure how to answer. The fact that he didn’t seem to know how to answer my question now was proof enough that he’d lied to me when he used those reasons to break up with me. I mean, who doesn’t know why they ended a relationship? He obviously lied and then forgotten what he said! Now I was really curious about what really happened. What the heck did I have to do to get the truth out of this jerk?
  3. I told him I just needed closure. I explained to him that I wasn’t crazy, I just wanted some concrete answers so I could get on with my life. I told him it was hard to move on from the drama and stress of the breakup without really knowing why it happened in the first place. I didn’t need to repeat to him that I hadn’t wanted to break up. It was all his doing and he dumped me with the baggage.
  4. His explanation was pretty lame. He tried to explain what he’d meant by saying we weren’t compatible, but honestly he just waffled on and didn’t make much sense. He also said something else that really annoyed me and stayed with me long after the phone call. He said, “We’d been wrong from the start.” When I expressed surprise at this, remembering how crazy he was about me when we’d first met, he said, “Well, I dunno. I wasn’t sure from the start.” What? This was complete news to me!
  5. The truth hurts. Knowing that not only had he changed his mind about dating me but he hadn’t been sure about me from the start of our six-month relationship was just too crazy. So now, instead of getting answers from him about why he’d broken up with me, I had two problems on my hands. The first was that I didn’t get much in terms of having clear reasons for why he’d ended things. Instead of answers, I was saddled with more questions.
  6. I also had something new to feel crappy about. The second problem I gained from that phone call was getting slapped with a hard truth about him when we were together. Knowing that he never really wanted me was another gem I gained from that convo. Maybe it was a bad idea to get in touch with him because it was just making me feel so down.
  7. Closure is overrated. This experience left me with new heartache and more baggage than I had before getting in touch with my ex. It showed me that sometimes closure really is overrated and a waste of time. It was a stupid idea to try to get it, especially from such a jerk.
  8. Screw getting the truth. Honestly, maybe getting the truth about why someone doesn’t want to be with me anymore is just as bad as being lied to. Maybe it hurts too much and I don’t need that stress in my life. Perhaps ignorance is bliss. Maybe the only thing that matters is the fact that my ex dumped me. Period. The “why” doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
  9. I can give myself closure. By focusing on how I feel after a breakup and what I need to do to move on and forget about my ex, I can give myself closure. Maybe it isn’t so much about having all the answers from your ex but realizing that even when things are confusing, there’s still a way to move forward. One thing’s for sure, I’ll never waste my time trying to get answers from a confused, lying, mind-boggling ex again.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.