You May Be Attracted To Older Guys, But Here’s What You Need To Know About Dating One

You love that the older guy you’re interested in seems so stable and so much more mature than guys your own age, and who could blame you? While it’s true that dating a man a few years or even a decade or more your senior comes with a lot of pros, there are some cons to keep in mind as well.

  1. Your friends are probably going to be way different. Of course, it depends on how much older he is than you. If he’s 10 or more years older, the differences between your age groups will be more obvious. One of the ways in which this is likely to happen is via his social circle. Since you and the guy might have different interests, it’s only natural that he’ll enjoy doing certain activities with his friends that you and your friends think is lame, like going to dinner instead of hitting a club.
  2. Your views on kids may be different. You might imagine having kids in the next five or so years while your older guy might’ve already had kids or have reached a point in his life where he knows 100% that he doesn’t want any. On the flip side, maybe you decided long ago that childfree is the way to be but because he’s getting older, he’s sure he needs to start a family ASAP. That will never work.
  3. Your baggage could look tiny compared to his. He might have lots of baggage, not just in the form of an ex-wife but previous romantic partners, maybe kids, and all the issues that come with those things. It’s not always easy to merge your life with another person’s, especially if it feels like their experience level is so far ahead of yours.
  4. You don’t get many firsts. Sometimes part of the appeal of dating is that you get to experience some firsts together, like moving in with someone or getting engaged for the first time. But with the older man, you’re unlikely to get many of those. Chances are he’s already moved in with someone before or been engaged. He might have even been married.
  5. You might feel stupid around him. Some older guys can be a little self-righteous when it comes to their knowledge and experience. Your older guy might laugh when you tell him your dreams to write a bestselling book, or he might mansplain how it’s never going to make you money. Although you can benefit from this type of experience and what he’s learned along the way, it’s not cool if he’s trashing your self-esteem and dreams.
  6. Your health and energy are most likely different. While there’s no guarantee that dating a younger person means they won’t have health problems or lack energy, as a general rule, you start to experience more health problems as you get older. The energy you have to dance all night and get up at the crack of dawn to go for a hike might not be the same energy your older guy has, so some compromise will be needed to keep the relationship going.
  7. He’s not necessarily going to be more settled. If you love the idea of stability and security, then maybe an older man might be the best person to date. He’s more likely to be stable in his career, be more in tune with what he wants, and hopefully won’t waste time with what he doesn’t want. This can be refreshing if you’ve dealt with younger guys who just don’t seem to be on that wavelength just yet. However, just because this is more likely to be the case doesn’t mean it definitely will be.
  8. He may still be looking for a mother figure. You’re his girlfriend, not a babysitter. It helps to be with a man who can look after himself and use a vacuum cleaner without making a big deal of it or waiting for his mom to clean up after him. Ugh. While hopefully he’s learned how to be a true equal in a relationship by this point, there’s always the chance that he’s still looking for a replacement mother figure to do his bidding 24/7, and that’s just not on.
  9. He should have learned to be a better communicator by now. With a greater sense of self and knowing who he is, an older man often tends to be a good communicator. This is something super-important to look for in a partner because you’re going to need a strong foundation to deal with all your differences. Of course, knowledge doesn’t necessarily always translate to action, so if he’s closed off or still acts like a child, run as far as you can.
  10. You’re going to have to deal with what others say. Don’t give a damn what other people think, especially when it comes to your own life choices and happiness. That said, dating an older man might make you have to grow a thicker skin so that you don’t get swayed by friends who tell you you should’ve dated someone younger or your partner’s friends who treat you like you’re just a passing fancy. To hell with them. As long as you and your older guy are happy, then that’s all that matters.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.