We’ve all made the mistake of getting attached too quickly. Whether it’s your new crush’s confidence or good looks, it’s important to stay level headed even when it feels like love. The last thing you want is to find yourself in a casual relationship with someone who doesn’t really care. Don’t let your emotions get ahead of you. Here are 12 ways to avoid getting attached to the guy you just started dating.
The only way to avoid getting attached is to avoid getting wrapped up in a fantasy. To do that, you need to figure out who he really is rather who you want him to be. Find his flaws and don’t just pay attention to his shiny characteristics. Make sure you’re looking at him like he’s a person instead of Prince Charming.
Don’t meet his people.
There’s no reason for you to be spending time with his friends and family yet. It’s too soon. The more people involved, the more likely you are to get attached. Keep your distance from his friends, siblings, and definitely his mom!
Listen to what he says.
If he says “I don’t want a relationship right now” take that to mean he doesn’t want a relationship right now. Don’t text him all day and make yourself available whenever he calls. There’s no reason to get attached to someone who doesn’t want you.
Don’t be afraid to ghost… sorta.
If you feel like you’re catching feels, ghost him ever so slightly. You don’t have to cancel him from your life but take a step back. Play a little hard to get. The easiest way to get attached is to get caught up in your emotions, so give yourself space to avoid falling in love.
Keep your own interests.
The best way to stay unattached is to stay true to who you are. Don’t start listening to indie pop radio because he loves The Lumineers. If you try to become a different person for a guy, you’ll become attached. It’s OK and even good to try new things but don’t go overboard.
Don’t sleep with him.
We can pretend sex is just a physical act but we all know it’s not. Sleeping with someone releases oxytocin which makes you feel loved and safe. It also distracts you from keeping your guard up. To avoid getting attached too quickly, you need to keep your cookie in the cookie jar. At least until you’re sure the relationship is actually going somewhere.
Set and keep your boundaries.
You know yourself best. What do you need (or don’t need) to avoid getting attached? Do you need to limit yourself to one phone call a week? Maybe you need to keep yourself extra busy? Whatever boundaries you need, go ahead and set them early on—before things get complicated.
Avoid them on social media.
It might seem weird to not follow him on social media, but it’s good for your mental health. Spending hours stalking his Instagram is a great way to become attached (and a little stalker-ish).
Keep a casual mindset.
Unless you’ve both agreed to be exclusive, keep an open mind. You don’t have to go on dates with other people, but continue living a casual lifestyle. Spend Friday nights with friends and don’t be afraid to scroll through Tinder when you’re bored. If you’re not taken, don’t act like you are.
Don’t play his game.
Do you want to know why you’re so attached? It’s because you’re playing into his game. He’s purposely trying to mess you up, which is why he’s ignoring your calls and acting elusive. Don’t condone his shady behavior by letting him own your mind.
Don’t spend too much time with him.
The more time you spend with someone, the more attached you become. Think about your closest friends. Chances are you can’t go a week without seeing them. The same will happen if you spend all your free hours with this new guy. Take time apart so you don’t get used to seeing him every single day.
Calm the eff down.
Do you have a habit of getting attached quickly? It’s because you romanticize everything. You want to find your soulmate, but instead of paying attention to the important qualities, you convince yourself every guy you date is perfect. You need to calm down and gain some perspective.
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