Rejection sucks obviously, but it doesn’t have to destroy your self-confidence. It’s possible to be resilient and more or less let it bounce right off of you. It’s not easy, but here are some ways to stop letting rejection get you down.
Know your worth.
What exactly does it mean to know your worth? This simple phrase has almost become a cliche. It has meaning though, I promise. You can start by telling yourself that you’re a worthy person just as you are, no ifs, ands, or buts. Your worth is unconditional and unwavering no matter how you mess up or are rejected. Knowing this will save you from taking things so personally.
Know that other people’s opinions don’t determine your worth.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in whether or not someone likes you and what that means. I can tell you for certain that it doesn’t mean you’re worthy or unworthy. That worth of yours is untouchable, certainly not moved by another person who’s walking away from you. Their opinions don’t matter unless you give them the power to.
In some cases, take feedback.
There are cases once in a while where it’s beneficial to get feedback from a date, hearing what the person rejecting you is saying. For example, if they told you that you seem codependent, that may perk an ear up. You’ll want to know that so you can work on it. This is especially a valuable thing to do if you’re hearing the same thing over and over again from different people.
In other cases, throw out what the other person says.
More often than not, you’re going to disregard what they say altogether. If they tell you that you’re not enough, they can get lost. What do they know? You know who you are and you don’t need another person who probably hardly knows you to try to change you or make you feel like you aren’t enough. It may be tempting to hold on to what someone else tells you when they reject you, but toss it.
Know that what others think of you is really none of your business.
I know this is a hard one to learn, but once you grasp it you have ultimate freedom. You realize that other people can think whatever they want about you, but you don’t have to know about it or have an opinion on it. You don’t even have to get offended when you’re rejected by a date (though this is challenging) because who cares what they think?
Let yourself be mad… and then try to move on.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have feelings when you’re rejected. That’s impossible! Tons of feelings will flood in and you should let yourself feel all of them. Let them wash over you. You can even vent to a friend if that makes you feel better. At some point, though—sooner rather than later—you need to let it go. Redirect your mind when you think about it. Try to take some deep breaths. You can do it!
Don’t try to figure out the why of what happened.
Don’t overanalyze the situation. Let it be what it is. Trying to figure out their motives and thoughts will only bring you more pain. It’s easy to try to get inside of their heads, but will you really feel better if you figure things out? I don’t think so. You’ll only be wasting your precious energy.
Have friends remind you that it’s not personal.
Friends are great for giving you a big ole reality check. When you’re starting to take rejection super personally they can remind you that the other person may be in a bad place or you may have some incompatibilities with your date. You just never know. Also, they’ll remind you that it doesn’t really matter because you’re worthy as you are, remember?
Try not to get discouraged about dating.
One person doesn’t paint a picture of what your whole dating life has to look like. Even a handful of people rejecting you doesn’t mean the whole world will. Dating is still fun sometimes, even though every so often you get punched in the gut with a rejection. Don’t let this dissuade you from continuing to try.
Remind yourself that the right person will love you as you are.
There’s a lid for just about every pot. Someone will want you just the way you are. They’ll appreciate you and honor you and they won’t make you feel crappy about yourself. This person is likely out there somewhere wondering where you are, too. Often, when you meet the right person, you’re grateful that it didn’t work out with everyone else.
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