In college, most of us were just starting to figure out not only what we wanted out of a relationship, but what we liked in bed. There’s a lot of trial an error involved in both, but with sex in particular, there were some inevitably awkward moments, some more mortifying than others. But at least all that awkward sex taught you a thing or two about relationships, right?
- Regret is not a pleasant feeling. Sleeping with your lab partner in the first month of the semester probably wasn’t a good idea since you still had to see him once a week for the foreseeable future without being able to get his O-face out of your head. Basically all that taught you was not to crap where you eat — it’s not worth it.
- Guys who are grossed out by bodily functions aren’t worth sleeping with or dating. No one who has sex on a regular basis is safe from the possibility of something embarrassing happening. Chances are there will be unexpected sounds and smells, and you’re probably going to get your period at the worst possible time at least once in your life. But none of that is a big deal if you’re with a guy who can take things in stride. Maturity is pretty important in bed, and in general.
- It’s all about communication. Most of the time sex is bad because two people are expecting different things and don’t know how to put what they want into words, and then follow through on those words. If that’s not a metaphor for the main cause of every failed relationship, nothing is.
- Compatibility isn’t something you can control. Sometimes bad sex isn’t anyone’s fault per se, it’s just that you two aren’t compatible. Even if you’re able to talk about what you want, if you can’t get on the same page, it’s going to make for an uphill battle. The same goes for relationships– if you aren’t compatible, there might not be anything you can do about that. It just means you aren’t right for each other.
- Love means doing things you don’t want to do sometimes. Spending time with your boyfriend’s completely insufferable friend from high school is comparable to giving a guy who has never heard of the concept of trimming his pubes a fifteen minute blow job because you’re determined to make this ill-advised one night stand good for at least one of you.
- Some people don’t know how to compromise (aka, reciprocate). Who hasn’t put in serious effort giving a guy the best BJ of his life, fully expecting him to reciprocate with the same enthusiasm, only to have him role over and pass out within minutes of crossing the finish line? Not everyone has the same concept of ‘give and take’ and if you want something, you have to demand it– for example if you cooked dinner, he should do the dishes, it’s only fair.
- Settling is never worth it in the long run. You were going through a dry spell and extremely horny that night you went home with the guy you met at a frat party who wasn’t exactly your type. It ended up being the worst sex of your life, which you can’t really say was surprising, but he seemed good enough. Same goes with the guys you just date because you don’t want to be single. Mr. Right Now is rarely worth the hassle.
- Sometimes if you want something done right you just have to do it yourself. Just like you probably had to give guys a hand with getting you off back then, in a relationship you have to accept his shortcomings. Everyone has their strengths, and if he, for example, has the worst memory, it’s easier for everyone if you do the grocery shopping because he’s just going to keep getting the wrong kind of yogurt anyway.
- It gets better as time goes on. Sex with someone new is always awkward at first just like the beginning of a relationship is nerve-wracking and stressful. You don’t know what the other person is thinking, or what they want, or if they even like you. But as times goes by, you start to figure each other out and the more time you spend together, the more comfortable you get.