Bad Dates Are Ruining My Self-Esteem

I’ve been single a while and I’m trying to get back into the dating game, but it’s kinda hard when I’m happier not even bothering. Why would I want to do something that makes me feel so bad? I know that’s how it goes, but it’s still tough to muster up the motivation.

  1. I can’t meet anyone in real life. I’m trying my hardest to make an authentic connection with someone but it’s difficult out there. People in my city barely even make eye contact, let alone strike up conversation. It’s like I don’t exist. I don’t know if it’s any better anywhere else, but I can’t exactly pick up my whole life and move just for the dating scene, right?
  2. Dating apps are so frustrating. I don’t like using them because they’re the worst. I always feel like crap about myself when I’m on them. Even if I match with someone, the chance of us actually making it to a date is always slim to none. It makes me feel like a sub-par option in the minds of men.
  3. I can barely get anyone to talk to me. This goes for real life and dating apps alike. I’m never the girl who gets approached at the bar, but I’m also never the girl who gets asked out online. I don’t understand it. Are they all lazy or do I just not seem worth the effort? I try to maintain a positive attitude but it’s tough.
  4. Even if I make it to a date, I get super nervous. I try not to put too much stress on it, but the actual dates happen so rarely that it’s impossible not to attach some importance to them. After all, a date is practically a special occasion in my life. I would love to go on more so this isn’t the case, but it’s not happening for me.
  5. I tell myself it’s not a big deal, but I can’t help worrying. I can try to calm myself down all day long, but that doesn’t mean it’ll actually happen. I get excited in spite of myself, and then if the date goes well, I get my hopes up even though I tell myself I shouldn’t. Then, when inevitably it doesn’t work out, I feel terrible about everything.
  6. If a dude doesn’t keep talking to me, I get frustrated. I’m aware that oftentimes it has nothing to do with me, but that doesn’t make me feel better. It especially sucks when I think there’s a good connection but the guy, for whatever reason, doesn’t. Yes, that’s life, but it bums me out regardless.
  7. I never meet anyone who cares enough to try. I can only tell myself that this has nothing to do with me for so long. I try to keep my self-esteem healthy, but dating is really messing with my ability to do so. When one guy after another is too lazy to date me, it’s hard to believe it’s not something to do with me.
  8. If I make it to a second date, it’s shocking. Seriously—it rarely ever happens, and if it does, I never make it to a third. Even if I end up liking them enough to continue, they never want to go any further. Then I feel even more idiotic for thinking that we hit it off.
  9. The guys I like never like me back. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. My sense of what chemistry looks like must be completely off because when I think it’s going great, they inevitably tell me they’re not into it. I can’t help but think I’m completely out of touch.
  10. I get too hyped up when I’m into someone. It’s so exhilarating to finally meet a guy who isn’t super lame that I get too invested too fast. I do my best not to make that mistake but it happens anyway and then I end up feeling let down. I know it’s bad, but it’s like a trainwreck that I just can’t stop.
  11. I feel like a tiny fish in a huge pond. It should be a great thing to have a lot of options, but it hasn’t worked out that way for me. It just means that no one takes anything seriously with me because there are a million other girls right around the corner. I don’t like feeling disposable.
  12. There are so many options that no one wants to make an effort. I don’t know why!  Just because there are other people out there doesn’t mean that we should all be lazy about dating. I’ve never been someone who’s lazy about dating simply because I figure there’ll always be another choice out there.
  13. I know I’m a good person, but I’m not finding a match. I’ll be the first to admit that I need a particular kind of guy—at least I know it. I don’t think I’m the most amazing catch in the entire world, but I know I have worth. Not finding anyone else who thinks the same is hurting that sense of worth, unfortunately.
  14. At this point, it’s easiest not to date at all. It really seems like the best thing most of the time. I get lonely, but at least I don’t feel like I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m happier single than constantly trying to get some guy I don’t even like much to want me back.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at