I Basically Live For My Relationship & Only Recently Realized How Unhealthy That Is

I’m kinda bored with my life right now, so I’ve become hyper-focused on my relationship as a form of distraction. I mean, my boyfriend is keeping me busy and all, but I also know that living like this long-term is really unhealthy. WTF do I do?

  1. My relationship is the most important thing in my life right now—sad, right? I know that’s not the way I should be living. I should have bigger things going on like creative projects, volunteer work, career stuff, and visiting friends, but I seem to be zeroing in on my relationship and I don’t know how to stop. I can’t just depend on my boyfriend for my happiness. That would just be crazy.
  2. I’m taking a pretty big risk. To put so much time and energy into something that could end tomorrow is a pretty risky thing to do when you think about it. It’s not like I’m building a career or earning a degree where there’s almost a guaranteed payback. Relationships often end out of nowhere; all it takes is for someone to say they’re ready to move on. I would be wise to stop focusing so much on something so fleeting and instead invest my time in things that are guaranteed to give back to me.
  3. I try to incorporate my partner into everything I do. I’m the one in the relationship who plans the dates and decides what we do and I honestly love it. Still, I recognize that it’s a little sad that almost all of my plans involve my partner in some way. I shouldn’t worry so much about including him in my life; it’s not healthy and it’s bordering on smothering. Plus, I need to develop my independence and have my own life.
  4. I don’t have much else going on right now. I think a huge reason I’m so obsessed with my relationship at the moment is that I don’t have anything else in my life to focus on. I have my job, sure, but working in the service industry isn’t necessarily something I’m passionate about. I have my writing, but it doesn’t take up a lot of my time. I feel like my relationship is the only interesting thing happening in my life right now and that sucks.
  5. I would do anything for my partner, no matter how much of an inconvenience it is for me. You know that song “I Would Do Anything For Love”? Story of my life. I’d do anything for my partner, no matter how difficult, uncomfortable, or inconvenient. I sound like a total pushover, don’t I? I’d like to say that it’s because I’m super passionate about him and our relationship, but I’m actually starting to think it’s because I lack strength of character.
  6. I change myself to fit in with what we have. My relationship is my life as of right now and I’ll do anything to make it work, including rejecting myself in order to fit in to what we’ve built together. Every self-help book on relationships will tell you to love yourself before you love someone else, but that’s really hard for me to do, especially when my main goal right now is to have a perfect relationship. I should really learn to focus on myself  and not change my personality and beliefs in the name of a successful relationship.
  7. I’m pretty sure I think about him more than he thinks about me. I spend way too much time dreaming about this guy when I should really be thinking about productive things that will benefit me as an individual. sI’m sure he’s not thinking about me NEARLY as much as I’m thinking about him.
  8. I text him more than he texts me. When I look at our phone conversations, it’s just painfully obvious that I’m more invested in this than he is. He’s invested a normal amount; I’m the one taking it way too far. I text him in the morning and before I go to bed… and a couple of times throughout the day, if I’m being honest. I think he’s gotten so used to it that he’s stopped texting me since he knows I’ll be in touch soon. What am I doing?!
  9. If he has to go away, I feel so empty. I’ve put so much into my relationship that when my boyfriend goes away for the weekend or does something with his friends without me, I’m totally lost and don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like my life is pointless and that’s super unhealthy. I need to fill my life with other things besides relationship stuff. Why aren’t I spending more time with my own friends or doing my own thing?
  10. Every other area of my life is suffering. When I look at my life, my relationship is thriving but every other area is less than ideal. I’m putting all of my energy and hope into a relationship that could end in a heartbeat when I should be focusing on every aspect of my life, including all the stuff outside of it. I’m working on it, but it’s not easy.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.