Just Be Honest About The Fact That You’re Dating Other Women — I’m Dating Other Guys Too

I don’t expect to be exclusive after the first date, so please stop pretending that I’m the only girl in your life. You don’t have to hide the other girls you’re dating from me — in fact, I actually really appreciate it when guys are upfront about it. Here’s why:

  1. We’re not exclusive. I’m not sure why you feel the need to hide these “other girls” from me when we’re not even exclusive. I don’t want to start out our potential relationship on the wrong foot and open communication is key to a successful relationship, romantic or otherwise. I get that you want to keep things to yourself in yourself, but whether or not you’re dating other people is a pretty important thing to tell me right away. You owe me at least that.
  2. I’ll start to wonder what else you’re hiding from me. After I find out you’ve been hiding this very important detail from me, it’s going to be pretty hard to trust you with anything else going forward. Even though you aren’t cheating at all, it would kinda feel like you were. It would feel like a betrayal. I know you were only doing it to protect my feelings, but it’ll make me see you in a different light.
  3. When I eventually find out, I’ll feel more hurt than if you told me from the get-go. If you don’t do the right thing and warn me ahead of time, I might get the impression that we’re on our way to coupledom and then get my heart broken when I accidentally find a text from the other girl or a pic of the two of you. Do you really want to deal with a freakout? Better to lay it all out from the beginning, for both of our sakes.
  4. I’m not one of those girls who gets jealous easily, so don’t worry. I understand that some people need to shop around before they make a decision, myself included. I like having options and I know you do too, so honestly, don’t worry about telling me. If I really like you, I won’t have a problem with it. If I do…well, now you know we probably weren’t meant to be.
  5. I’m dating other guys too, so it’s really no big deal. If you think you’re the only guy I’m seeing, you’re seriously naive. I don’t have a problem with you seeing other girls because I’m seeing other guys — or at least I’m still keeping my options open. I think it’s totally acceptable to not box myself in, especially when dating someone new. You’ll definitely be hearing about the guys I’m dating — not in detail, but you’ll know that you’re not the only one.
  6. I value honesty over anything else in relationships. To me, honesty is where it’s at. I can’t be with someone who hides things from me or beats around the bush just to save me from feeling bad or himself from feeling awkward. I’ve dated people in the past who did that and our relationships never lasted. The greatest gift you can give to me is your real self, and if I can’t handle it, then I know that I’m not ready for a relationship right now. It’s as simple as that. It’s better that we feel free to tell each other absolutely everything, isn’t it?
  7. I’m mature enough to handle it. I’ve been told by guys that I’m not the only one before, so I think I can handle it by now… hell, I even dated a guy who was in an open relationship and it was fine. Most girls wouldn’t even consider doing that.
  8. You’re acting like you’re cheating and that’s sketchy. You’re not cheating but you’re acting like it. It makes me think that the reason why you’re so good at hiding it is that you’ve cheated in the past. I mean, when we’re together, you make me feel like I’m the apple of your eye, and yeah — it feels good. But, imagine my surprise when I find out there are a bunch of other girls you’re dating when you made it seem like I was the only one. It makes me think that you’ll be really good at hiding girls from me if/when we’re exclusive, so please, just be real from the beginning.
  9. By telling me, you’re showing that you care for me. Don’t be surprised if you get a warm reception when you tell me about your other ladies. I’d be so flattered that you trusted me enough to tell me, and it shows that you care about me because you don’t want me to find out and get upset about it later on. You’re letting me know when the flame between us is luke warm as opposed to dropping the news after I fall in love with you, which is very much appreciated.
  10. It makes me feel like I’m being tricked if you don’t tell me. I’m gonna see you as just another player if you don’t let me know that I’m not the only one. Aren’t players really good at stringing several girls along while making them all think they’re the only girl he’s sleeping with? You don’t want me to think you’re a player, do you? If you make me think I’m your one and only girl, though, I’m gonna peg you as a player and will probably stop dating you indefinitely.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.