Here’s Why You Should Be A Lazy Girlfriend When You First Start Dating Someone

It’s never cool to avoid pulling your weight in a relationship, but sometimes we come on too strongly and do too much to try to be perfect girlfriends for partners who don’t deserve it. Honestly, the opposite approach can be much better. Here’s why laziness works—at least at first.

When you relax, you’re better to be around. That’s a fact! If you’re always stressed out and anxious about the new guy you’re dating and whether he’s going to make weekend plans or not, that nervous energy can be felt from miles away. It not only makes you come across as desperate but it takes up so much of yourself that you don’t show the world what you’re really like: awesome.

You let things happen instead of forcing them. When you’re trying to send the perfect text and initiating contact so that you stay in his thoughts, you’re trying to make things happen. The danger is that your efforts can prevent you from seeing that the guy you’re trying so hard to date is actually lazy or uninterested. You’d see that if you chilled a bit. Hey, make him do some of the work!

You don’t make your relationship your whole life. If you put loads of energy into dating, you end up with less for the rest of your life. That’s not healthy. By doing less when you meet someone, you save energy so it can go to other important things, like building your empire.

You see what he’s really about. It’s hard to see what a guy’s personality is really like if you’re the one who’s doing all the work and forcing him to be the type of guy you want. Be a bit lazy. Let him do the work to come to you. Let him show you if he’s genuinely kind, responsible, reliable, and so on. That way, you’ll see what he’s like and if he’s someone who’s going to step up to your standards. Don’t apologize for having them in place. The right guy will rise to meet them, not have you running around like a headless chicken trying to make him yours.

You remember your worth. When you let a guy chase you, you’re really saying, “I’m worth it.” Because you totally are. FYI, being lazy when you start dating someone doesn’t mean that he has to chase you until he wears his shoes out. You’ll be reciprocating his interest and actions but without breaking a sweat. Your awesomeness speaks for itself. It shines from you, without you having to try to sell yourself.

You figure out his intentions. It’s easy to think a guy’s going to want an exclusive relationship only to realize weeks later that he’s actually just hoping to score. Although it sounds crazy, it’s easy to miss those signals at times. That’s why it helps to take a step back and notice his actions as they’ll reveal his true intentions.

You weed out the a-holes. By keeping a clear head and really feeling him out, you can tell if he’s an a**hole or loser. This can save you so much time that would otherwise go wasted into the wrong guy and an unhappy relationship. Who needs that? FYI: there are always signs that a guy’s going to be bad news. When you’re not letting your emotions and stress cloud your thinking, you’re better positioned to spot them.

You don’t rush. It’s easy to get caught up in the bliss of a new relationship and it feels thrilling when it happens. However, it doesn’t always end up feeling so hot weeks later when your whirlwind relationship ends up destroying your heart and life because the guy was just looking for a quick fling. By being a bit lazy in the early stages of dating and taking your time to get to know him, you can prevent yourself from rushing through dating milestones. You’ll also spot early signs that he’s going to do a runner on you.

You don’t need someone. One of the best reasons to be lazy in a relationship is because when you stop trying so hard to get the guy and amazing relationship, you realize that you can take it or leave it but you definitely don’t need a man to define you. When you carry the belief that you’ll be fine on your own (and as part of a couple) through your dating life, it makes you so much stronger and totally badass.

You stop trying to be perfect. You’ll never be perfect. No one will. Isn’t that a liberating thought? When you stop and realize this, it makes you stop going OTT to get the guy and “perfect” relationship. It makes you chill and enjoy the dating quirks that are bound to come your way. And why not? Not only will you stress less and be happier if you embrace them, but you’ll see that sometimes things that are less-than-perfect are actually the most perfect. So go on. Stop trying to look and be perfect and just enjoy your blooming relationship.

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