You Don’t Have To Be “Strong And Single” All The Time—It’s Okay To Admit It Sucks Sometimes

Yes, you’re a tough cookie who loves being single, but you’re human and no one’s expecting you to be thrilled about rolling solo all the time. Here’s why you should let your guard down sometimes and admit when you’re just not feeling the single life:

  1. It’s okay to feel. When you see happy couples in the street or watch a romantic movie, you might get that empty feeling inside or a twitch of jealousy. Instead of pushing it away, allow yourself to feel it! It doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real.
  2. You don’t have to shut out your desires. You might think that being a strong single woman means shutting out all your feelings, wants and needs, but this just makes you bottle up parts of yourself that need to be expressed. Just because you’re a tough, independent single woman, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have other sides to yourself that want to come out every now and then. You can express them and still be strong.
  3. No relationship status will be perfect. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, there’ll be bad days. It’s life. You can’t expect things to be perfect all the time just because you’re happy with the choices you’ve made. Have a duvet day if you need one after hearing that your best friend is engaged. It’s just one bad day. You’ll bounce back.
  4. People judge singles enough as it is. Society often judges women for being single, asking when we’re going to get someone or why we’re choosing to be alone. It’s annoying AF, but don’t become the kind of single woman who judges herself! That’s BS. You should be lifting yourself up and loving yourself, and that means accepting everything you feel—even days when you don’t feel strong at all.
  5. Your down days will help others. You might not realize it, but on days when you feel raw and real, you might be inspiring someone else. How? Because it’s in those moments that great wisdom comes. Be open to it.
  6. There’s no shame in wanting a relationship. You might feel that you have to be strong and single forever, but what if you start to feel that you want to get into a relationship? Will the world end? Will you be trading your strength for weakness? No! You’ll just be strong in a different way. Be flexible and open to change. Follow your heart because it will guide you to where you need to be.
  7. You don’t have to carry all the stress alone. Your soulmates are your best friends who are there for you and going through the same single woman stress you are, so reach out to them. When you feel thrown by seeing your ex with someone else or you worry that you’ll never have kids, express those fears instead of bottling them up. Stuffing your feelings will just make you a bitter single woman, and you don’t need to be that person because her strength isn’t real.
  8. Your low moments will make you stronger. You’re going to experience highs and lows in life, but the low moments don’t make you weak—they actually build you up and strengthen you so that when you come out of the dark days, you can feel great again. It’s a process you have to go through to grow. Think of it as sharpening your blades of strength.
  9. No one’s perfect. Just because everyone knows you as that kick-ass strong, single woman who takes no crap, it doesn’t mean you can’t have an “off” day. No one’s perfect and no one’s expecting you to be! It’s stress you’re putting on yourself.
  10. You might need a man. Did you cringe when you read that? Look, it happens. You might really want to have sex or maybe you feel like you’d like a bit of romance. So what? A strong, single woman is in tune with her desires and makes things happen when she needs to.
  11. Dating can bring you down. There’s nothing that can bring you down more than going on crappy dates as a single woman. You come out of those feeling torn to shreds and definitely not strong. But sometimes you need the bad dates to remind you why being single is so amazing, so you can crack open a bottle of wine and toast to flying solo and being fabulous.
  12. You don’t have to be hard. You know you’re tough but you don’t have to let that make you hard. If you find yourself getting defensive when people ask you why you’re single or you’re quick to shut down your friends’ talk of relationship bliss, you might be overcompensating for feeling really bad about your current single status. Don’t let bad days make you defensive. That’s not strength at all. Real strength is accepting the bad days as well as the good, and learning from them.
  13. Your need for love doesn’t make you weak. Everyone wants to be loved and cared for every now and then, even someone strong AF like you. That’s okay. It’s completely normal and part of being a healthy person. Don’t fight it. It’s an act of self-love to know when you need love from others.
  14. You might be tempted by the other side. You meet an amazing guy and start to wonder if being single is that great. Maybe there’s a relationship out there to make you happy. But then he crushes your dreams and you end up feeling bitter and hating your single life because he made you see the pros of being in a relationship. Remind yourself that sooner or later, you’ll fall in love with being single again and remember why you made the choice to fly solo. You’re just in a complicated relationship with your single status right now, but every single woman goes through it. Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.