I know it’s not me—nobody will ever be good enough for her son in his mother’s eyes. Still, I can’t help but take it personally. This guy is the love of my life and I want to impress his family but she makes it so difficult.
She’s always making sly digs at me. She told me outright that nobody would be good enough for her son when we first started dating and it really set the tone. Five years later, not much has changed. I still feel like she doesn’t think I’m good enough and that I don’t treat her precious boy like the prince he is. We live in a different country from her and she’s never shy about reminding me how I took him away from her… even though he moved away before we met!
She intentionally brings up controversial topics. My partner and I grew up very differently and there are many things we agree to disagree on. She, on the other hand, brings those topics up in front of the rest of his family as often as she can. I know that his family all grew up the same way and so they’re all on the same page about religion, politics, and kids before marriage. That’s why it makes me feel really ganged up on when she decided to share with everyone how I have different views on those controversial topics. My boyfriend tries to support me as much as possible but he really doesn’t stand up as much as I think he should. I get that he’s caught between a rock and a hard place but still.
To her, her son is perfect. I get it, he’s a mama’s boy, but nobody is perfect. My parents will certainly call me out when I’m in the wrong because that’s the right thing to do. As far as she’s concerned, her precious offspring can do no wrong. She rarely told him off when he was a kid and basically just let him figure out the right path for himself instead of guiding him as my parents did and still do for me.
She gives no consideration to it being our home, not his home. It’s true, he lived in the apartment we now share before I came along, but it is most definitely our home now, not just his. She invites herself without speaking to me, tries to have control over how our apartment is decorated and will refer to the apartment as only his.
She’s always disrespectful when my boyfriend’s not listening. She really picks her moments well! She waits until he’s on the phone to announce that she thinks we should spend Christmas apart at our respective parents’ homes or pulls me aside while the guys are having guy talks to let me know…
I feel she brings out the worst in him. This is a hard one. You see, her demons are his demons—how could he possibly have control over his alcohol intake when she doesn’t? He learned from the best, right?! She’s constantly drinking too much and blacking out or saying hurtful things and not being called out on it because she was drunk. To me, that’s no excuse. If my boyfriend says hurtful things, drunk or not, you’d better believe I’m going to call him out on it.
Visiting her gives me serious trepidation. I hate visiting her and I hate when she visits us because I just never know what she’s going to say or do next. If I’m in her home and she’s disrespectful to me, it makes me feel uncomfortable staying there. If she’s in my home, it infuriates me that she can get away with her crappy attitude under our roof.
I’m sad I can’t have a better relationship with her. I always got along with my exes’ mothers so this is a whole new phenomenon for me. Her sister and her sister’s son’s girlfriend get on so well—they’re always going shopping together and at the Christmas dinner last year, she announced she was the daughter she never had. My boyfriend’s mother also doesn’t have daughters but she just sat there in silence while I hoped the ground would open up and swallow me whole. Awkward!
It causes friction in my relationship. Of course, our turbulent relationship has taken its toll on my relationship with my boyfriend. He knows I don’t feel all that comfortable around his mother but he just doesn’t get it because he doesn’t see the side of her she keeps just for me. I still hope one day she’ll accept me when she realizes I actually love her son and bring out the best in him, but I won’t hold my breath!
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