Getting back with your ex isn’t necessarily good or bad, but there are definitely some things you want to consider before jumping back in. Run down the list of these 14 questions to find out if getting back together with your old boo is actually a good idea. You’ll thank me later.
- What went wrong last time? Don’t romanticize the past too much by forgetting about why you broke up in the first place. Keep that situation in mind. Ask yourself how you feel about it now. Are you still upset? What caused the breakup is definitely worth considering instead of brushing under the rug.
- Have they changed? Has your ex changed or are they the same old person you broke up with? You definitely want to take a close look at this one, asking yourself what’s different about them. It’s okay to ask them, too, what’s different. If they haven’t changed, then nothing in your relationship is going to change.
- Have I changed? I know it’s harder to take a look at yourself than it is to take a look at someone else, but it’s necessary. Be honest with yourself: have you changed since you were last together? Or, are there still big issues that need to be dealt with? Maybe ask a friend if you’re feeling stuck on answering this one.
- Have past issues been addressed between you two? That big issue that you used to regularly fight over—is it still an issue? Or, have you worked through it? Maybe you’re even planning to discuss it in person with your ex. Just make sure that issue is addressed. Most of the time it’s left unaddressed and it just causes problems later.
- What do my friends and family think? Sure, you’re your own person and to some extent, you’ll make the decision alone. Nonetheless, what your friends and family think is very important. They may be able to give you insight that you aren’t able to see on your own—for better or worse. Take what they say with a grain of salt, but I highly recommend taking it.
- Would all my needs be met? You know a lot about the person you’re returning to. Sure, your ex may have changed a bit, but all in all, they’ll offer the same things to you. You have to ask yourself if you’ll get everything that you need from this person. Or, are you fooling yourself into thinking that you are when really there are going to be gaps?
- Are there any dealbreakers I’m ignoring? There are a few things that you just won’t tolerate in relationships. Though perhaps you’ve decided that this person is worth overlooking one or two of those things. This is a very dangerous slope because you’re likely to get resentful later when those dealbreakers crop up.
- Am I romanticizing the past? One big thing that happens with exes is that you can remember the past as better than it is. You can remember your ex as better than they were, too. Do some fact checking and ask yourself if you’re remembering the past clearly or if you’re muddying it with what you wish was the case.
- Why do we want to get back together? It’s okay that you want to get back together. You’re not bad or crazy. You just need to be sure you’re clear on your motives. Why exactly do you want to get back together? Is it because you love each other and don’t want to be apart? Or, is it because you can’t bear to see them with someone else? Be honest with yourself.
- Am I just lonely? This is an important question to ask yourself because it’s why many people get back with their exes; they can’t stand the sting of loneliness. I know loneliness hurts but is ruining your happiness worth it? Only you can answer this question for yourself.
- What makes this time different? Are you two just going to come together and have the same old fights or are you going to have new ones? This time needs to be different than the last time you two were together. Someone, both of you, or circumstances need to have changed. It can’t be the same old stuff over again.
- What are you willing to compromise on? It’s a relationship, there’s going to be a back and forth. You’ll need to compromise on some things. What is this person asking you to compromise on and what are you willing to give up? Think long and hard about this question otherwise, you’re going to find yourself violating your own values.
- Are you and this person on the same page now? Sure, you may be doing all of this beautiful reflecting, but is your ex doing that, too? Have you both had solid conversations about all of these things? It’s important to not just have a dream about what the relationship will be like without actually having hashed it out.
- How does my intuition feel? Perhaps the most important thing to note is what is your intuition saying. You may be able to logically explain yourself away, but does it feel like the right thing? Or, is there a gnawing in your stomach that is desperately trying to tell you to let it go? Only you can know. So, listen up and act accordingly.
