I had a major crush on a guy and spent a good portion of every day fantasizing how perfect life would be when we inevitably (in my head, at least) stopped being silly and got together. It would be an amazing love story — but there was just one catch: he had a girlfriend. She and I ended up becoming friends and while that might sound like it’d be weird, it was actually the key to helping me move on from my feelings for her boyfriend. Here’s how:
- I got to spend more time with him. Hanging out more with her meant also spending time with him at parties, social events and lunch dates. In addition to getting to know her, I got to know the guy I’d been harboring feelings for, and while theoretically, that could get really messy, it actually brought my unrequited crush back down to earth because I stopped seeing him as the object of my affection and instead realized he was just a regular guy… who was already in a relationship.
- I saw how good they are together. Spending time with them as a couple made me see that they’re actually very good together — way better than I would’ve been with him, as much as it used to pain me to admit it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find a way that I would be a better match for him than she is, and that fact alone helped my feelings begin to fade.
- I grew to respect her and didn’t want to hurt her. At first, I’d take advantage of our time together as a way to hang out with my crush, but over time I realized that this was mean and that I was purposefully trying to hurt someone who’d actually become a really good friend. I didn’t want to do that, so I started talking to my crush less and less at these events.
- I became friends with my crush. Basically, I spent so much time with my crush that he became a close friend and I was not really as interested in dating him. My whole perception of him changed and it just felt weird to like him because now he was in my friend zone.
- I met a lot of new people from their circle. As they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. By making new friends with my former crush and his girlfriend, I met some of the people THEY knew, and some of these people were men. Getting to know these new single faces meant I was able to focus my attention away from my crush and leave his relationship alone while having fun flirting with guys who were actually single and potentially interested.
- She became one of my best friends. She doesn’t know that the only reason I tried to become her friend was because I liked her boyfriend, but I’m so glad things happened the way they did. I moved on and met someone new who I’m super into, and now my ex-crush’s girlfriend has turned out to be one of my best friends. We even lived together for a few years after she and my former crush broke up.
- I realized we weren’t meant to be together. Sure, I technically knew we weren’t right for each other all along since my feelings weren’t reciprocated and he had a girlfriend that he was super happy with, but becoming friends with them both made me realize that things work out in certain ways for a reason and that the guy I’m meant to be with is still out there, which is pretty exciting.