Beggars Can’t Be Choosers But I’m Still Not Settling For These 8 Deal Breakers

­­Making a dating app profile can feel like you’re opening up your singlehood to the world. However, just because you’re available to be seen by anyone doesn’t mean you have to let everyone have a chance. My dating life obviously hasn’t been successful yet as I remain single, but I’m still running in the other direction if someone I match with is guilty of any of these 8 relationship disqualifiers.

  1. It would be a long-distance relationship. I love the idea of setting a radius on your search limitations, but this grand design backfires by using a GPS locator and not people’s actual addresses. Just because someone who’s active on the app is within your mile range doesn’t mean they live there — they could just be passing through. It’s one thing to already be with someone and have to temporarily physically separate due to life’s circumstances, but if we don’t already have some attachment, I’m not inviting this type of arrangement into my life. Dating is hard enough without the added challenge of making a new and a long-distance thing work at the same time.
  2. He’s still married. To be fair, I personally know two people who dated guys who were legitimately going through a divorce and they both ended up marrying the guys eventually. Regardless of their luck, it just feels too messy for me. How do you know at the end of the day he isn’t just testing the waters of getting back out there? What if you two form a connection only for him to decide he isn’t going to go through with leaving his wife? Or what if they’re still living together and in an active relationship? I’m just not doing it. If he wants you now, he will want you after his affairs are in order and those papers are signed, sealed, and delivered.
  3. He’s a truck driver. I know I might get backlash for this one, and yes, I’m aware that it’s an honest, decent-paying profession. But something about it popping up so frequently on dating apps makes me uncomfortable. For one, see above for my thoughts on the long-distance setup. Two, what kind of guy who doesn’t already have a family wants a job that requires a lot of solitary time? He’s just driving on the open road by himself for hours to return to his bachelor pad. The “loner” lifestyle seems sketchy to me. Not to mention trucking companies are known to hire candidates with both recent and old felony convictions. Last but not least, the traveling life in general, whether it be for an athlete, musician, etc. almost always comes with affairs and I’m not trying to be one of them.
  4. He has a record. On the note of felonies, having a record is also a “nope” in my book. And no, I don’t mean an explainable minor misdemeanor or traffic ticket. I’m talking about something major that is going to affect my quality of life and our family, like being a registered sex offender and now we can never live near a school. I get trying to be understanding and have compassion, but why take on someone’s major mistakes if you don’t already know them and have something established with them. People who have been incarcerated may struggle for the rest of their lives seeking and maintaining gainful employment and you two could never have the stability you desire in a committed relationship. This isn’t about being judgmental- it’s just practical.
  5. He is linked to past domestic violence. One record that should have you immediately out the door is anything related to domestic violence, be it a restraining order or a charge. Don’t even linger to hear “his side of the story” about how “she was nuts” and “the system is against men.” Look, he may be right, but violent, abusive men are almost always also liars and value self-preservation. They will say and do (including hurt you, too, at some point) whatever it takes to get what they want. Don’t let history repeat itself with you. Walk away from this dude while you’re still safe. No matter how great he seems, there’s always more options and it’s not worth gambling your well-being or possible life.
  6. He uses or sells drugs. Again, I’m not talking about something minor and now legal in most states anyway. But hard drug usage and illegally selling anything is out. It’s just too unpredictable and risky for me. You could be dealing with Sober Stan one day and Cracked-Out Carl the next. Or, he could be in and out all types of hours meeting up with “customers” and being in dangerous situations. Worse even, shady people could be coming around your place looking for their fix- no thanks.
  7. He shows any sign of dishonesty. If you just met this dude and you catch him in a lie right away, this is a red flag. Don’t let him laugh it off or excuse it as “not a big deal” or “he just didn’t know how you’d take it” or whatever else nonsense he comes up with. He’s likely just testing the waters to see what little sprinkles of dishonesty he can get away with before he starts dumping the big ones on you right in your face.
  8. He has baby mama drama. Once again, his past choices should not be a present burden on you. It’s concerning if he was able to make a whole child with a woman and now doesn’t show a minimal shred of decency toward her. Also, as a woman and potential future parent of his additional children, you should want to respect her as a mother and have some sort of basic cordial understanding with her.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer