We’ve all met that person who’s a little too into themselves—like they believe the world should revolve around them. Selfishness isn’t always obvious at first, but if you look close, there are telltale signs that someone’s all about “me, me, me.” Here’s the rundown on what to watch for so you can spot these self-centered behaviors before they start driving you up the wall.
1. Somehow, Everything Comes Back to Them
No matter what you’re talking about, they’ll find a way to steer it back to themselves. Sharing a personal story? They’ve got a bigger one. Going through something tough? They’ll quickly mention how their situation was worse. It’s exhausting because it’s clear they’re not really listening—they’re just waiting for their turn to talk. If every conversation feels like a competition, that’s a big red flag.
2. They Only Show Up When They Need Something
Ever notice how they’re suddenly your best friend when they need a favor, then vanish the moment it’s done? Selfish people see friends as assets rather than connections. They’re always reaching out when they want something, but ask them for a little help, and suddenly they’re too busy. Real friends don’t just pop up for free rides, advice, or emotional support on demand.
3. Celebrating Your Wins Isn’t Really Their Thing
Instead of cheering you on, they might give you a half-hearted “congrats” or shift the conversation to something they’ve done instead. Selfish people struggle with seeing other people around them succeed, especially if it means the attention isn’t on them. If they can’t be genuinely happy for you—or worse, downplay your success—it’s likely because they’re so focused on staying in the spotlight themselves.
4. They Don’t Care About Boundaries
To them, your boundaries are more like suggestions than actual limits. Whether it’s borrowing your stuff without asking or ignoring your “me time,” they feel entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it. They treat your personal space and comfort like it’s theirs to use as they please.
5. They’re Practically Allergic to Apologizing
Selfish people hate admitting they’re wrong. When they mess up, you’re more likely to hear excuses or finger-pointing than an actual apology. If they ever do say “sorry,” it’s usually wrapped up with something like, “but you made me do it.” A real apology takes accountability, and these people just aren’t into that.
6. They’re Always the Victim
They have this unique ability to turn any situation into how they were wronged, no matter how little sense it makes. If their car broke down, the universe is out to get them. If they had an argument with a friend, everyone was just “jealous” of them. They see themselves as the center of every struggle and they never realize they’re the problem.
7. Judgment and Criticism Are Their Specialties
Selfish people tend to act like they’re better than everyone else, handing out critiques left and right. Whether it’s your clothes, your choices, or even your taste in music, they’ve always got something “helpful” to say. This constant judgment is their sneaky way of boosting their own ego. If they always make you feel “less than,” it’s time to rethink their influence in your life.
8. They Promise Big but Follow Through Small
Grand gestures and promises are their specialty, but when it’s time to deliver? Crickets. They’re the type who’ll swear they’ll help you move, only to bail last minute. This “all talk, no action” is how they seem like a great friend, until they need to follow through that is. If they can’t keep their word, it’s a sign that their words are just empty fillers to keep you around.
9. Favors Flow Only in One Direction
On the other hand, they’re all about asking for help, but when you need something? Suddenly, they’re too busy or have some convenient excuse. To them, friendships are one-sided transactions where they’re always on the receiving end. You deserve people who value your time and effort, not those who think of you as their personal backup plan.
10. Conflict? They’re Just Here to Win
In any argument, selfish people are less about understanding and more about “winning.” They’ll twist facts, deflect blame, and keep arguing until you just give up. Compromise isn’t in their playbook, they’re purely here to come out on top. This “my way or the highway” mindset can leave you feeling steamrolled and unheard. Healthy relationships don’t have to be a power struggle.
11. They Can’t Stand Being Wrong
Admitting they’re wrong? Not gonna happen. Instead, they’ll double down, argue, or simply ignore anyone who disagrees with them. In their twisted mind, they know best, and anything else is a personal attack. It’s exhausting trying to have a conversation with someone who can’t even entertain the idea that they might not be right 100% of the time.
12. They Disappear When You Need Support
If things get tough, don’t expect them to be a shoulder to lean on. Selfish people are the first to vanish when you need them most. They’ll find any excuse in the book just to stay distant when you’re going through something, yet somehow, when they’re in crisis, they expect you to drop everything. Friendship should be a two-way street, but with them, it’s always about their needs.
13. They Minimize Your Problems
When you try to share something you’re dealing with, they’ll shrug it off or say, “Everyone goes through stuff.” It’s hurtful when they downplay your feelings but for them, it’s how they keep the focus on themselves. This lack of empathy shows they’re not interested in hearing about anything that doesn’t revolve around them. Real friends listen and care, even when it’s not all about them.
14. They Make You Feel Guilty for Their Mistakes
If something goes wrong, they have a special way of twisting things so that you end up feeling like it’s your fault. They’ll say things like, “If you hadn’t done X, this wouldn’t have happened,” even if it was their own actions caused the issue. Making you feel guilty for their slip-ups lets them avoid responsibility which ends up just being manipulative and draining for you.
15. They Use Silent Treatment to Control
When they don’t get their way, a selfish person might go silent to make you feel bad or to manipulate you into giving in. The silent treatment is a childish power play that’s designed to make you feel uncomfortable until you “fix” things to their satisfaction. It’s a sneaky tactic, and it’s their way of dodging an adult conversation. Don’t fall for it—it’s just another tactic to keep control.
