Being “Chill” In Dating Is Overrated—Here’s Why I Take My Love Life Very Seriously

Who else relates hard to the meme about never going out and waiting for Mr.Right to break into your house? Dating sucks, but the fact is if you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll keep getting what you’ve been getting. Not making a change and being proactive can sabotage your potential love life for these 9 solid reasons.

  1. Life moves on without you. Other people are looking. If you seem unavailable or disinterested, you may be giving off unapproachable vibes. Guess what that will lead to? Getting passed over for someone else who has their arms wide open to possibilities. Don’t scare off a potential match made in heaven with your natural resting bitch face and calmness. Guys will just find you hard to read and won’t be confident to proceed without caution.
  2. Relationships take effort. I hate when I match with someone on a dating app only to end up in an aimless loop of introductory small talk. I usually just write the person off if the convo goes nowhere, but in all actuality, how easy is it to misinterpret digital communication? Someone could be amazing in person and lacking initiative by text could cut off your chance to even find out. While you’re on your phone judging him for the convo being stale, he might be on his device thinking the same about your absence of inspiration and waiting on your move.
  3. Your dream guy may need prompting. Men are stereotypically portrayed as these fearless pursuers, even at times obnoxious about how courageous they are to go after women. I get the whole biological predisposition to be a hunter, but in modern society, roles are interchangeable. Men can be clueless, and he simply may be holding off until you give some sort of OK signal or clear indication of interest. Your blasé attitude isn’t going to ignite his inner caveman to come and get what he wants to be his.
  4. People have trust and abandonment issues. If you have a secure attachment style, you could be triggering an anxiously attached type without even knowing it. To you, everything is completely fine, but to him, your composed nature causes inner panic. He may misread this and assume something is wrong or missing in your relationship. This unrest could push away someone who otherwise wanted to be with you. It’s important to show in tangible ways that you care and are invested. You should keep up the effort and not get comfortable if you want the flame to continue to burn between you and your partner.
  5. You may get set in your single woman ways. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride? You may laugh off family members who tease about when you’re bringing home a man or coming back with a ring on your finger now, but what if you let it go for too long? You might get extra rusty on how to adjust to a serious arrangement with a long-term partner. Having a rigid lifestyle can be hard to adjust for someone else after a while and make things uncomfortable when you do try.
  6. Being left out could catch up to you. Maybe it hasn’t been a priority to you to be boo’d up. You wanted to finish grad school, buy a home, pay off student loans, and get established in your career first. Meanwhile, all your friends have been settling down and starting families. It may not have bothered you then, but suddenly you’re now the only person in your circle who is still single. If you wait too long, some of your friends could be sending their kids off to college while you’re packing lunches for preschool.
  7. Timing is everything. You have to do your homework if you want to be successful with relationships. That means knowing when a good window of opportunity even is to approach dating and take bold risks. For example, trying to push something during a Mercury Retrograde—or even not having a certain necessary convo during this time—could lead to irreversible misunderstandings and a permanent breakdown in communication. This could sabotage your entire chance with a prospective someone.
  8. Your mindset plays an important role. Have you heard of the Law of Attraction? You have to think your desires to actualize them into existence. Your energy simply won’t attract it if you have a carefree attitude. Purely existing isn’t going to invite things into your life course.
  9. You can’t afford to gamble. People say you’re most likely to meet someone when you’re busy and not trying, but why take your chances on being forever alone if this isn’t what you ultimately want? Five-year-plans exist for a reason. If you see yourself with the two-car garage, white picket fence, and matching outfit family photos a few years down the line, you’re going to have to put in the work to make that happen. Don’t just live your best life and expect a ready-made household situation to show up at your doorstep. It doesn’t always work like that.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer