Being Picky In Love Could Be The Key To Finding Mr. Right

Being Picky In Love Could Be The Key To Finding Mr. Right ©iStock/a-wrangler

“You’re too picky” is one of the most common platitudes I hear when people tell me what I should do in order to improve my dating life. Usually, this advice is followed by a suggestion that I date someone that I have no interest in dating, or, if it’s a matter of me feeling lonely, hang out with people who I can plainly see are bad for me. If you’re like me, you might second-guess yourself occasionally, wondering if you are, in fact, too picky. Newsflash: you’re not. Being picky is a good thing, and it just might be the key to eventually finding “The One”.

  1. It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. A bad relationship, whether it’s a friendship or a lover, will eat away at you. They’re far more draining, worse for your health, and worse for your wallet than being completely alone. As much as you may want cuddles, it’s better to wait for someone who you know will actually give them to you.
  2. You can’t force attraction. A big issue people have with those who are picky in love is why we won’t date someone we don’t find attractive. Well, there’s no point in trying to force attraction. I ought to know — I’ve tried to date guys I wasn’t into and it doesn’t work. At best, you’ll have an insincere relationship which will end in a breakup because he’ll be able to tell you’re not into him. At worst, you’ll be called out for desperation. Either way, it’s not a good look.
  3. You’re staying true to yourself by being picky. By lowering your standards, you’re telling yourself that you’re worth it. Don’t do that to yourself. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone henpeck you into something less than what you deserve.
  4. You’re not wasting time. Time is precious. Once you spend it, you can’t get it back. It makes no sense to waste time with a guy who you know won’t mesh well with you. Even playing Xbox games will give you a better return on investment than going on a date that you know won’t end well.
  5. Guys respect standards. Here’s the funny thing about the male gender: they don’t want to date a girl with no standards. They want to feel like they’re special and unique. By having standards, you’re giving yourself a better shot with the guys who are worth your time.
  6. You will also make it clear that you aren’t side chick material by being picky. Side chicks aren’t picky. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be going out with guys who are taken. Having high standards innately tells guys that you are not one to be messed with.
  7. Lowering your standards often invites bad juju. From personal experience, people who badger you to lower your standards are not your friends. Real friends will tell you that you should raise your standards or even just keep them steady. More often than not, people who tell you to lower your standards are often saying it out of their own self-interest. The only thing that can come out of you lowering the standard of quality of the people you allow into your life is the problems that come with them. Higher standards mean less problems.
  8. Only you know what you need. People always think that they know you better than you know you. Only you can know what you want and need, so don’t let people tell you to give that up. They don’t know what makes you happy, and if they’re silly enough to suggest compromising on things that shouldn’t be compromised on, they never will.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.