Are You Being Too Available For The Guy You Like?

The days of playing hard to get are long gone. I mean, why waste time if a guy is interested in you and you can feel the connection? Even so, you have to learn to strike a balance so that you don’t come off as desperate by being way too available to him. Here are some signs you need to take a few steps back so he actually has to work for your attention.

  1. You cancel all plans to spend time with him. How many times have you had to cancel your plans just because this guy wants to be with you? Guilty? Girl, you gotta have a life of your own. You just can’t show up at his place at the drop of a hat simply because he misses you and wants to be cuddled (i.e. get laid). He’s probably going to wonder whether you have nothing better to do and that could put him off.
  2. You respond to his messages instantly. I don’t mean that you should wait for hours to respond to his messages, but you don’t have to stop what you’re doing to respond unless it’s an emergency. If you’re reading for your exams or working, his message can wait. After all, once you start chatting, you’ll get distracted and your projects delayed. He needs to understand that being able to chat 24/7 is unrealistic. You have a life to live, after all.
  3. You’re all over him. Hey, even married couples need time alone. You don’t have to be with him always or be at his house every spare second of the day. Take some time apart and connect with friends and family as he does the same. If you feel the need to accompany him even when he’s hanging out with the boys, you’re clearly being too available, which is annoying and detrimental to your relationship.
  4. You never say no. If you’re always saying yes to everything your partner asks you to do even when you don’t want to, it’s a sign of being too available. If you find yourself doing things you don’t like just to please your partner or for the fear of losing him, it’s time to reel in and stand for yourself.
  5. You feel taken for granted. One problem with being too available to your guy is that once he knows that you’re needy, he might start taking you for granted. He knows you’ll never say no. Whatever he wants, he gets it. He’ll let you do all the work while he binge-watches the latest show on Netflix. You’ll be the one cleaning after his mess and you’ll only have yourself to blame for being too available.
  6. You’re always the first to initiate conversations. In a solid relationship, either of you can initiate a conversation. However, if you’re always the one texting and calling to check on him, it’s time to start doing better. If he’s into you as you’re into him, let him also initiate conversations. Otherwise, you being too needy and way too available.
  7. You lie and say you’re not busy when you are. You’re actually slammed with work and have a lot going on right now, but you lie to him and say your schedule is open. You’re always creating time for him because you don’t want to disappoint him. Well, he goes on with a lengthy conversation that takes up a chunk of your precious work time and your job suffers. That, right there, is being too available and you have to stop before it’s too late.
  8. You accept last-minute dates. So he calls you at 6 p.m. and asks if you can go out for dinner and you just can’t say no. By doing this, you’re teaching him that you’re always available to him, no matter what. Don’t be surprised if he asks you out for a date at midnight and you have to sacrifice your sleep to go out with him. For your sanity’s sake, set clear boundaries.
  9. He disrespects you. Do you feel like this guy isn’t giving you the respect you deserve? It could be because you’re too available. You’ve taught him that he’s always on top of your list and he can make whatever demands even though they’re disrespectful because, well, you accept anything thrown your way. You can still be caring and considerate while not stooping too low to the extent of attracting disrespect.
  10. You’re always available for his reschedules. So, he cancels your date at the last minute and you’re cool. He reschedules it for another time when you’re supposed to be attending your friend’s party but now you have to cancel the party to go out on a date with him. Sound familiar? This is you being too available and actually kinda sad. What kind of message is that sending to your friends as well?

How to stop being too available, no matter how much you like him

  1. Learn how to say no. Don’t be afraid of losing him by telling him you can’t hang out when he texts sometimes or not answering his texts right away. If he can’t take it, he doesn’t deserve you. It’s important that he knows things in your relationship won’t go his way all the time. Being too available makes him think you’re always at his beck and call, and that’s just not the case.
  2. Have a life of your own. Hang out with your friends, and family, and look for new hobbies so that your life doesn’t revolve around him. This is great advice not just for the early dating stages but even for later down the line if you end up in a long-term relationship. You screw yourself over by being too available because it means you neglect the rest of the important and valuable things in your life. You should know better than this.
  3. Take a deep breath. Because you’re so into him, your first instinct is likely to jump at any opportunity to talk to him or hang out. That’s natural and makes sense, but every once in a while, take a deep breath and sit with these feelings for a minute before you act. You might realize that there’s no urgency there and that the world isn’t going to end (and he’s not going to suddenly not be interested in you) if you’re otherwise engaged when he reaches out. You have to practice not being too available, but you’ll get the hang of it.
Lifestyle Content Writer/Mom/Nature lover
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