Believing These 9 Things About Love Has Totally Screwed Me Over

Before I ever fell in love, I was told how wonderful and also how miserable it was. I can’t say I ever truly looked forward to experiencing it but I was a little anxious to see what all the hype was about. Since then, I’ve been in love with a few different people and I learned that a lot of what I thought about love was completely not true. Here are a few things I got wrong.

  1. I need to be in love in order to be truly happy. I really thought that if I ended up alone, it would be the saddest, most pathetic thing on earth. Because of this, I ended up settling for the first guy that showed even the slightest bit of interest in me. Huge mistake, I must say. After that, I vowed to never settle again and eventually discovered that I’ll probably never have true love until I am completely happy with myself. Even if I never find “The One,” I can still have an amazing life.
  2. There’s one guy out there who’s my perfect soulmate meant only for me. Ah, the completely unattainable aspect of the singular soulmate. I love the idea, don’t get me wrong, but it’s completely ridiculous. I’ve been compatible with so many different people in different ways that I can’t possibly believe there’s only one person out there that is right for me. There’s no way that’s correct and so it makes it a lot easier to fall in love when I’m not convinced I’m with the exact person I’m supposed to be with. That myth is just setting me up to fail.
  3. I can’t make myself fall out of love. It’s not easy but it is actually possible. It was a slow process but I became so frustrated with a relationship that eventually I was able to mentally let go and before I even realized it, I wasn’t in love anymore. It made it a lot easier to go through with the breakup and even if I did waste time being with someone who couldn’t make me happy, I felt it was the only way I could have walked away without looking back.
  4. Once I’m with the right person, we’ll never fight. Ha, I wish! The fights may not be brutal, but regardless of how well two people get along, disagreements are going to happen—it’s all about how you choose to handle them. I learned that you can communicate your way through a fight, but fights are still going to happen no matter how compatible I am with my partner. It’s just the nature of life. I had to give up thinking it was such a bad thing to argue and instead focus on how to get through it.
  5. I can change a guy and he can change me. Hopefully, if I’m with someone and I love them I really won’t feel the need to change him, but I know all too well the appeal of the guy that has some flaws that I think I can fix. Now, there probably are some bad habits on both our ends that can be discussed and potentially corrected, but when it comes to actual character traits, those aren’t really going to change and I need to accept them if I’m going to be with the guy.
  6. My guy can or should be able to read my mind. No matter how close I get with someone, I can’t expect them to know everything inside of me. Pick up on subtle clues I leave, sure, but to actively know exactly what I need without telling them? Probably not. I can’t get upset if a guy doesn’t give me the attention I need at a specific moment if I’m not willing to communicate with him. That’s just setting up failure right there and no one wins. I have to be vocal and I expect the same from my partner.
  7. Eventually, we’ll stop having sex. The scariest myth of all, right? People are always saying that after so much time, the sex dwindles to the point of being gone. Well, yeah, if you aren’t putting effort into keeping that spark alive! It takes some work but the sex doesn’t have to become non-existent. There are so many ways to make it more adventurous or spice things up, so I just make sure that I don’t become lazy in that department.
  8. You should never go to bed angry. I’m pretty sure this was told to me by multiple people and in truth, it seems like a lovely sentiment but trying to resolve every issue before bedtime is sometimes impossible. Also, a lot of the times for me, I need a cooling down period if things get really heated, otherwise I say some things I later come to regret. I’m not going to be a total jerk when going to bed but I certainly may still be angry sometimes.
  9. If we’re truly meant to be together, nothing can tear us apart. Unfortunately, even the greatest loves don’t always last. Relationships in general take work and sometimes love just isn’t enough. Just because I break up with someone that I think I’m supposed to be with forever it doesn’t at all mean that I won’t fall in love again, it simply means that relationship didn’t work out and I do my best the next time around.
jordan is a writer from salt lake city who enjoys a good steak, her dog, and conversations about how radiohead is awesome. she hopes to be a talking head on some VH1 pop-culture show someday and can curate a playlist for any occasion. when she grows up she wants to be an olsen twin.