Benching Is Cruel — Don’t Do It

If you’re not familiar with the term, you’re likely familiar with the behavior behind it. Benching is when someone you’re interested in continues to text you, like all your Instagram posts and carry on long conversations without ever actually meeting up or even making plans to do so. The idea is that they might eventually want you one day, so they’re not ready to cut things off entirely just yet. It’s not only a totally messed up thing to do, it’s also the most heartless. Here’s why:

  1. You’ll get your hopes up for a date that’ll likely never happen. What’s crazy is that he’s probably the one who suggests the date in the first place, while also being the one to cancel last minute (or even days in advance) for no real reason. He’ll try to convince you that it’s totally unintentional and might even reschedule, but you’ll be sitting at home holding out hope for a date that’ll never actually happen.
  2. They fool you with your charm, making it hard to trust. Being charming seems like a great quality, but it can be used for less than genuine purposes. His texting game is on point and includes him being so sweet, it’s slightly unbelievable. Wooing and flattery can also be expected, usually in high doses. If it seems too good to be true, it usually is, and once you find out that he’s full of crap, it’ll be even harder to trust a guy’s intentions in the future.
  3. He’s not actually that into you, which makes you doubt yourself. If someone messages you a lot, it’s natural to assume that he’s into you. He obviously enjoys talking to you and you’re on his mind, so he must really like you, right? Well, not enough to actually meet up with you and start up a potential relationship. Being benched usually just makes you doubt yourself and wonder why you weren’t good enough to put on the main fire. Ugh.
  4. They Swing From One Extreme To Another so you never know where you stand. These guys are also the ones who message you the most, call you the most and even Facetime you every day. It can get a bit overwhelming and intense… until they then disappear out of nowhere and you’re left wondering WTF just happened. Then they resurface and start the whole process over again. What is wrong with them?
  5. It’s the Biggest Mind Screw Imaginable. Because he’s all over the place, you’re constantly questioning what’s going on and what he’ll do next. It’s confusing, frustrating, and a total mind screw. Your friends will insist he wouldn’t spend that much time talking to you if he didn’t like you in one breath while telling you to kick his ass to the curb to the next — and they’re only mirroring thoughts you’ve already had yourself. Talk about exhausting.
  6. It’s Way Worse Than Ghosting. One minute you’re pretty sure you’ve decided he’s not interested and the next he’s messaging you and won’t shut up. Then the cycle repeats itself and in the meantime, you never actually meet up or take your relationship into the real world despite the fact that he just won’t go away. At least with ghosting, you get the message and it’s a clean break. With benching, it just messes with your emotions!
  7. Benchers Have The Weakest Excuses. These people will generally go periods where they disappear completely. When they resurface and you call them out on it, they have some weak excuse that they embellish with lots of compliments and non-apologies to get back on your good side. He might even claim that he was MIA because he was planning a great date with you… which never actually materializes, of course. What’s the point?
  8. Nothing Will Ever Come Of It So You’re Wasting Your Time. If someone doesn’t respect you enough to be straightforward with you from the beginning, there is absolutely no chance that this is going to work out. I mean, have you ever heard of a relationship that came out of one person stringing along another because they were kinda-maybe-possibly interested? In the meantime, you’re wasting time on an a-hole that could be better spent on one who actually gives a damn about you.
  9. It’s Rude and Disrespectful — And There’s No Excuse For That. With social media and the ease of texting, it’s so easy to bench people — but ultimately, how you treat people over text is how you treat people in life. Your phone is not an excuse to be rude and disrespectful and just because it’s done over social media doesn’t make it any more acceptable.
Body Confidence Activist, Creator of Scarred Not Scared and Founder of MIndset For Life.