I always thought my best friend would be the maid of honor at my wedding, but she obviously didn’t feel the same way about me. In fact, she didn’t even care enough to tell me she was getting married at all. Here’s what happened that ruined our friendship forever.
She got a boyfriend, which I initially super happy about.
When my bestie started dating a great guy, I could see how happy she was and it made me feel so happy for her. She had been trying to find someone for a long time and kept meeting losers, so it was awesome to know she’d finally found someone worthy of her.
The more serious they got, the less she saw me.
I know that when you meet someone new and you’re excited to be with them, it’s not always easy to make time for friends. I’ve been there myself. However, it was weird that as things became more serious with the guy she was dating, the less she wanted to hang out with or even talk to me. I had to see news of her relationship on social media.
Then she dropped the “m” bomb.
One day, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed when I saw that my best friend had gotten married. Wait, what? This was something completely different from not having as much time for friends because she had a boyfriend—this was her ditching me.
It brought tears to my eyes.
We’d been friends since we were six years old. We’d been friends for longer than we hadn’t, and it was almost a lifetime of sisterhood. In spite of all this, she still hid her marriage from me. I started to worry that I’d done something wrong, but I knew that I had always been supportive of her relationship. We went out and celebrated when she started dating this guy, so it’s not like she didn’t have me as her greatest cheerleader.
Was their relationship toxic?
Once I felt certain I hadn’t done anything that would make my bestie not tell me that she was getting married, I started to wonder if something was wrong with her relationship. What if she was with a toxic guy and she didn’t tell me because she didn’t want me to tell her to get out of the relationship? What if she wasn’t really happy with him or he was isolating her from her loved ones?
It was anyone’s guess.
I had no evidence for those worries and theories. It was maddening because not knowing that my friend was getting married and not being invited to her wedding, really felt like a huge diss. I knew what I had to do because I couldn’t let this one go.
I sent her a text.
One day, I noticed something cool on her WhatsApp status and commented, which led to her texting me to ask how I was doing. She was actually acting like nothing happened! I couldn’t believe it. Did she really think I hadn’t seen her wedding album on Facebook? Maybe she just didn’t care if I had. It was time to deal with this once and for all.
I asked her about her marriage.
I said that I didn’t know she was on track to getting married and the news surprised me. I didn’t want to attack her or act like a jealous person wanting to know why they hadn’t been invited to the event, but I wanted her to know that it hurt me to find out that she’d got married from social media.
But she did it in such a flippant way. She just said, “Oh yeah, sorry about that.” And that was it. She didn’t give me a reason for why she was so quiet about one of the biggest milestones in her life, like that she and her fiancé had eloped or they’d had a civil marriage. But honestly, even then, surely she should’ve told me about it as her best friend?
I had to forget it.
I didn’t get an answer from her or a real apology, but I knew it was time to let it go. I wasn’t going to fight with her about something that she clearly didn’t even think mattered. And that’s the most painful part of the whole thing: she didn’t care about how much it mattered to me and how much it had hurt me.
Friends are supposed to share happiness.
Looking back on our friendship, there were many times when we’d consoled and helped each other. When I was stuck on the highway with a flat tire, she came to my rescue. When she went through the devastating death of her father, I was there to support her. But friends are supposed to be in each other’s lives for the good times too! Maybe we just weren’t meant to be those kinds of friends.
We haven’t spoken in months.
Since she got married, we haven’t spoken or texted each other. Honestly, it feels better to make a clean break. I want a friendship that’s honest and open, not one in which I feel like I don’t even know who my so-called friend is. She totally dropped the ball on the girl code.
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