Having a best friend of the opposite sex is great. My best guy friend gives me a new perspective on things, offers me protection, and always has my back. When it comes to my dating life, though, our relationship can sometimes interfere with my romantic connections. Certain men can feel threatened by our kind of friendship and that never ends well.
- People assume there are romantic feelings there. With an opposite-sex friendship, a lot of people make assumptions that there are sexual tensions or romantic feelings that go on between us. Not only is this false, but it’s extremely presumptuous. Our relationship is strictly platonic and has been for years. It’s not going to stray from that despite some people’s deluded opinions that men and women can’t be “just friends.” If he and I felt that way about each other, I’d be dating him and not you (psst, your insecurity is showing).
- He third-wheels a lot of my dates. My romantic plans usually include a plus-one. My best friend sometimes comes along with me when I go out on dates with boyfriends or potential interests. I don’t usually make exclusive plans. If other people hit me up to hang out, I invite them to come. Oftentimes, it’s my guy best friend who tags along. He’s even crashed on my couch after several dates of mine, which means little to no alone time with my partner. Though this doesn’t usually bother me, I can tell that it’s sometimes bothersome to the person that I’m with. I’ve noticed the more that it happens, the less okay with my dates it seems.
- He knows all of my insider drama. I tell my best friend almost everything, and that includes my relationship drama. If something’s happened between us, good or bad, my best friend likely knows about it. I tell him about my partners, especially about potential romantic interests (I need his opinion, of course). If anybody ever hurts my feelings, my best friend is aware of it.
- He’s extremely protective of me. He’ll eye up any prospective interest of mine and make it apparent by his looks that he’s not afraid to do something if I end up hurt. While I appreciate his protectiveness, it can obviously be off-putting to people I’m dating. No one wants to feel like they’re the enemy, but my best friend just has my back no matter what.
- I’m protective of him. I’m extremely invested in my best friend’s progress in life and always concern myself with how he’s doing. I’ve even stepped away from dates before to answer his phone calls (it could be an emergency, you never know). He’s a significant person to me, and some people just don’t get that. The kind of men that get insecure about him feel that they should be the most important thing in my life. What they need to accept is that my friendships, his especially, fall pretty high on my priority list.
- He knows almost everything about me. From my childhood trauma to my iPhone password, my best friend is pretty familiar with my life and how I function. He knows who I am and what I’ve been through. He can predict my behavior in most situations. This can sometimes come off as intimidating to a partner who is still getting to know me.
- We ask each other for relationship advice. He and I always ask each other for relationship advice and show each other the people that we’re just starting to date or hook up with. If I’m introducing you to my best friend, he’s probably already seen your picture on social media. Having my best friend so involved in my relationships can sometimes take a toll on them, especially when his opinions aren’t so gravy.
- He’s picky with who he thinks deserves me. My best friend’s opinion is important to me, but he judges pretty hard when it comes to the men I bring around. It takes a lot for him to tell me he thinks someone is good for me. A lot of guys feel like they’re getting grilled when I bring them around and think that they have to live up to his standards in addition to mine.
- Guys sometimes struggle to establish rapport with him. Because a lot of people are intimidated or insecure about mine and his friendship, they fail to create authentic relationships with him. You’d think that the knowledge of my best friend being so prominent in my life would prompt a person to get close to him. Instead, a lot of guys are avoidant and would probably prefer him out of the picture. Unfortunately for those men, that’s just not going to happen. Plus, do you really want to try and fill the role of my boyfriend and my best friend? The smartest thing you could do if you’re wanting to date me is to get in good with my best friend.