When my best friend started dating a guy I didn’t approve of, I was torn. I wanted her to follow her heart, yes, but I know her better than she knows herself and I’m probably a better judge of who she should be with. That’s why I had no idea what to do when her boyfriend started hitting on me when she wasn’t around.
- She was obsessed with him. It’s almost impossible to convince someone that the person they’re smitten with is a sleazeball—and if it isn’t impossible, it’s highly risky. I didn’t want to make her angry or worsen the situation in any way by telling her that he’d been hitting on me pretty much every time he saw me.
- We’d always confided everything to each other and I didn’t want to change that. Ever since we were children, we’ve told each other everything. We trust each other, but sometimes hard truths can feel like betrayals. I didn’t want to compromise our friendship by hurting her with the truth, so I kept silent.
- He acted like it was a joke and I went along with it. I was so confused by what was happening at first that when he pretended it was a joke, I laughed right along with him. Obviously there’s nothing funny about it, and in hindsight, I wish I’d shut him down or smacked him in the face the first time he made a pass at me, but in the moment, all I could do was pretend I thought it was funny too.
- Our friendship is more important than any romantic relationship. The bottom line for me with a friendship like ours is that no matter who we date or even marry, our friendship will always be the most important relationship in both our lives. Even though the situation was awkward and extremely irritating, there was no way I was going to let it jeopardize our friendship.
- I kept expecting them to break up. Even though she was clearly infatuated with him, I thought it was just a rebound. He was so blatantly horrible to me that I couldn’t imagine she’d stay blind to it for long. But then days became weeks and then months and they were still together somehow. WTF?
- It would’ve made me look like a hypocrite. The last time we had an argument about a guy, it was someone I was dating and I didn’t speak to her for weeks. Even though I realized that she was right in the end after I’d broken up with him, it’s been kind of an unspoken rule ever since that we wouldn’t interfere too much in each other’s romantic lives.
- He never actually tried anything major so I could almost ignore it. Sure, it was annoying, but it’s not like he ever tried to grab me or touch me anywhere weird. While that obviously isn’t the bar for despicable, douchey behavior, it made it possible for me to tune him out and pretend everything was normal.
- She’d just gotten over a bad breakup and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin her new relationship. Friends are supposed to be the ones who support you through hard times, not the ones who make them harder. When she broke up with her ex, she was completely heartbroken and it wasn’t until she met this new guy that she actually started to be happy again. I couldn’t be the one to break her heart again so soon.
- Judging from past experience, you kind of have to let things play out on their own. When she called out the guy I was dating for generally being an a-hole, she was totally right and I didn’t believe a word she said. It actually brought me closer to the guy, and it wasn’t until I’d continued to date him for several months that I came to realize she knew what she was talking about. When it comes to romantic relationships, you kind of have to let the two people involved work it out. Any other scenario just ends up backfiring.
- My strategy worked. While I’m in no way condoning the practice of pretending sexual harassment isn’t happening, I’m going to be totally honest and tell you that I was right: the relationship ran its course and she dumped him, and now we both laugh about what a creep he was and how we both survived their relationship.
