My Best Friend’s Dating A Loser — What Should I Do?

If your BFF can’t see how great she is, it can be hard to deal. You know she deserves better, but what can you do? When it comes to her love life, you have to tread lightly and know that things may not work out the way you want. So if she’s dating Mr. Wrong, what’s a girl to do?

  1. Get your facts straight. Have you just heard baseless rumors, or do you have a legitimate beef with the apple of her eye? You can’t approach her with uncertainties. Just know that even if your skepticism is justified, she may have an excuse for his bad behavior.
  2. Gather your thoughts. Before you have the talk with your BFF, take some time to think about what you’re going to say and how she might react. You don’t want her to feel attacked. Switch places — what would you want to hear if you were in her shoes?
  3. Express your feelings to your friend. At some point, you’re going to have to make your feelings known. You never want to be the person that could have warned her and didn’t. Have the talk in person and one on one, so she can fully understand you without feeling like you’re ganging up on her.
  4. Validate her amazing qualities. She’s your best friend for a reason. You know her better than anyone and know exactly why you love her, so remind her. If you think she deserves better, tell her exactly why she’s so great. She may need that little boost of confidence to send him packing.
  5. Assure her you’re there no matter what. Giving her an ultimatum won’t solve any problems. She needs to know that whatever she decides, you’ll be there. You don’t have to agree on her decision, but it also doesn’t have to be the end of your friendship.
  6. Know you’re not in control. It’s never easy to see a friend making a bad decision. Just remember it’s her decision to make. You can’t make her choices, even if she’d be better off with you taking the reigns. It’s her life to live and she’s in control of her happiness.
  7. Don’t judge. If she chooses to stay with that sorry excuse for a man, don’t judge her. She obviously believes she sees something you don’t. Maybe she’s wrong, but it’s her mistake to make. Even if you warned her, it’s your job to be there if/when it all falls apart.
  8. Accept the consequences. People can be pretty sensitive when it comes to their relationships. No one likes to hear that their special someone isn’t all that great. She might be defensive, feel unsupported, or even become angry with you. Give her time the time to think about what you said, and just know for some friendships, this can be a dealbreaker.
  9. Be there. Whether she dumps him or stays in the relationship, she’s going to need you, so be there for her. That’s what your friendship is all about —sticking together through thick and thin. No matter what, she’ll know that at the end of the day she always has you.
  10. Consider the alternative. You could keep your feelings to yourself and never engage in conversation about her relationship or even lie, but then what kind of friendship do you have? If you can’t be honest with your bestie, then your friendship might not be that great after all.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.