I’m married to the guy in question now, but back when he was just my boyfriend, my best friend’s mom told her to steal him from me. I only found out about this recently and it was a total shock. Who does that??
My best friend obviously refused.
I had to laugh when she told me about this even though I was admittedly shocked. The fact that her mom thought she should grab my boyfriend “while she still had a chance” is so ridiculous, it’s comical. Thankfully, my BFF refused.
This happened when my relationship with my now-husband was pretty new.
She told my friend that it would be super easy to get in between us because we’d only been together for a couple of months at the time. Like, what? We were definitely still getting to know each other but we were totally head over heels. Just because we were just starting out doesn’t mean that we weren’t committed to each other.
My guy had morals too, thanks.
Even if she decided to go after him and he dumped me, is that really the kind of guy her mom would want around? I don’t think any guy who’s so easily lured away by another woman is one I’d want to keep around. Even assuming that he’s not a good enough guy to stand in my corner is totally insulting to him. For the record, I told him about this and he was totally put off by it. Commitment is important to him and that would’ve made things super uncomfortable.
We obviously wouldn’t still be friends if that had actually happened.
I guarantee that if she would’ve taken her mom’s advice, we wouldn’t still be friends. I’ve never been in a situation where one of my girlfriends knowingly stabbed me in the back. It would’ve been devastating to have one of my closest friends do something so low to me. I would’ve had a really hard time making new friends and even being open about my relationships with other girls.
I couldn’t help but compare myself to her.
My best friend and I have always been positive and encouraging to each other and we’ve never been catty. I’ve always thought she was a gorgeous, successful person but never felt competition from her. It’s the kind of friendship that every girl should have. Still, just hearing this story automatically made me start comparing myself to her, even though it was for a stupid reason. The idea that her mom thought she could take my guy as if I couldn’t keep him totally made me feel insecure even though none of that was true.
It made me question my relationship with her family.
I’m super close to my best friend’s family. Her parents have been like a second family to me and I’m even close to her grandparents and cousins. I’ve always felt completely comfortable with them—my husband and I even come over on major holidays. Hearing that they wanted my guy to be a literal part of their family instead of mine definitely wounded me a little bit. The thought of what could’ve been is hard to get out of my head when I think about all the time we’ve spent together.
It made me question her mom’s character.
I love her mom but I can’t help but wonder why she would think that kind of attitude is OK. Even if this whole conversation happened four years ago, there’ve been other times where something similar has been said about another guy. She’s such a strong woman, it’s hard for me to imagine her suggesting her daughter plays dirty to get a guy. In my opinion, it says a woman is insecure if she needs to interfere in another relationship, which is totally out of character for her. I just hope those aren’t her real feelings about my relationship now.
I want to encourage friendships first.
I’m the kind of girl who really puts a lot of value and effort into my friendships with other girls. I’ve always felt that having a solid group of girlfriends is the key to being independent, confident, and encouraging to other girls. I never want my friends to feel insecure or like I would go behind their backs or hurt them in any way. I want them to feel uplifted and loved, not jealous that I might be flirting with their boyfriends. This situation just reminded me how important being there for my girls is to me.
I learned something important from this.
At the end of the day, this whole conversation happened over five years ago, so it’s not like there was any real threat to my relationship now. Plus, my best friend is awesome and knew that was a line she wouldn’t cross so I couldn’t be upset with her. If anything, I learned a little bit about how much I truly love my friends and appreciate my husband who’s 100% committed to me. Bringing down other women doesn’t bring a girl up, and any guy who can be lured away by the first girl to show interest should probably just be let go. It hurt at first to hear all of this, but I’m happy I could make peace with the situation.
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