While it’s normal for friends to grow apart over the years, there are some people you’re sure will be part of your life forever. I thought that was the case with my BFF of 12 years, but all it took was a guy to tear us apart in the end.
At first, I was psyched that she was in love, but the happiness was short-lived. Like any good best friend, I was as excited as she was that she had a new boyfriend. She’d never been particularly lucky in love so when she announced she was seeing someone new that she really liked (to the point that she’d lost her virginity to him), I was psyched for her. Unfortunately, the relationship didn’t last. After three months, my friend’s new boyfriend had dumped her and was dating the girl he’d been cheating on her with.
I wanted to support her but she didn’t make it easy. My friend and her ex stayed “friends” after the breakup. It seemed innocent enough at first until he started booty calling her. Even though he was still with his new girlfriend, he was using my friend for sex and she didn’t care. In her mind, she thought that it would start with late night sex calls and end with her in a wedding gown. Months went by while she waited for him to leave his girlfriend for her but of course it never happened. After he broke up with that girl, he started dating someone else, and then someone new after that too. The situation was leaving my friend depressed, and it hurt to watch.
She wouldn’t listen to reason. She spent all of her money on him. She’d buy him expensive gifts and surprise him with expensive lingerie. She took him on expensive trips all in an effort to gain back the title of girlfriend. It’s no surprise that he never gave it to her. She was only one of many girls that he was juggling. She knew about the other women and she knew that he wasn’t practicing safe sex with any of them but she still slept with him when he refused to wear a condom and ended up giving her an STD. Even after getting her test results, she still wouldn’t stop seeing him.
She refused to get over him. My friend is as stubborn as they come. A year after their breakup, it was clear that she was choosing to stay obsessed. My friend had no interest in getting over her ex because she was fueled by the drama that was their relationship. It became the only thing that had meaning in her life and she refused to talk about, do, or be involved with anything else that wasn’t related to her obsession with him.
Every girls’ night became a night of endless complaining. The fun, supportive relationship we once had was fading. When we hung out, we always talked about her situation with this guy. It didn’t matter what was going on in my life or in the lives of any of our other friends. Nothing anyone else was going through was as important as her endless drama with her ex. We’d spend hours talking about their latest fight or their latest sexcapade and if the conversation strayed to my life, she’d immediately change the subject back to her. Our relationship became completely one-sided.
After a while, the situation took its toll on her. My friend’s depression became even more severe. She dropped out of college and had to move back in with her parents. She was fired from work and her car was repossessed. She became burdened with student loan payments and had no degree to show for it. Her dreams were left forgotten on the pages of old diary entries. Her life had become a mess and everyone on the outside could see why: she’d lost all drive for anything in life except him.
She became the most negative person I knew. She’d never been a particularly positive person to begin with, but even the old realist version of herself was a slapstick optimist compared to the total Debbie Downer she became. She was really depressing to be around and I found myself exhausted everytime we hung out. It was emotionally straining.
She forgot how to be a decent friend. It had been two years since her ex had broken up with her and she still wasn’t ready to move on but I was. I’d graduated from college, gotten engaged, and had started a great career. I could feel that she resented me for being able to move on with my life. When I did have struggles and needed someone to talk to, she’d tell me to grow up and then start ranting about how her problems were way worse. After a while, I stopped telling her about my life and she never asked either.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. The situation had gone on for way too long and I’d been way more patient than I should’ve been. I was her only support as her other close friends slowly began to ghost her. Even as our friendship began to deteriorate, I stayed by her side. For a long time, I did my best to be a good friend but eventually, even I’d had too much.
We had our first fight in a 12-year relationship. I told her how I felt about our one-sided friendship and I admitted what I really thought about her obsession with her ex. I told her that her obsession was the reason why all her other friends left her. I guess I thought that if I was honest, it would save us. Instead of making things better, it broke us. For 12 years, I spoke to my best friend every single day but it’s been six months since our fight and I haven’t heard a word from her.
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