My Best Guy Friend Liked Me & It Ruined Our Friendship

I was always under the impression that there was a very thick line separating the boundaries of friendships and romantic relationships… until I learned about the dreaded “friend zone” — a barren wasteland where innocent friendships between men and women go to die. That’s exactly where I was accused of abandoning my best guy friend recently.

  1. Our friendship was fast and fun. I met my (now ex) best friend on my first day of freshman orientation. He cracked a perfectly timed sarcastic joke and I knew then and there that he and I would become fast friends. Over the next few months, he and I spent tons of time together. We’d grab dinner in the cafeteria, we’d head back to his place to play a few rounds of Mario Kart, and we even ventured out for our first frat house experience together.
  2. He never communicated his feelings. The whole time my best friend and I were together, I felt a deep connection with him, but it was one of camaraderie and friendship. I was nervous to be living away from home for the first time and there was something about him that made me feel comfortable, like I had a support system. I had no idea he had feelings for me.
  3. The reality of the situation hit me hard. My best friend and I were grabbing a quick bite to eat between classes, just like we always did, when I decided to tell him about a guy I was crushing on at the time. He snapped. He claimed I was being deliberately obtuse and that I should’ve known this whole time how he felt about me. Speechless, I picked up my bookbag and walked away as he continued to ramble on about getting thrown into the friend zone AGAIN.
  4. I felt used. For the first few days after our fight, I felt so lost and confused, but my sadness was quickly replaced by anger. I was so open with him from the very beginning, he knew deep secrets about me that I never even shared with my girlfriends back home. I felt betrayed and resentful towards him for dropping this bomb on me.
  5. I began to question my other friendships. Unlike my ex-best friend, I wasn’t under any illusions that all of my dude friends were attracted to me, but it got me thinking. Were any of my other friendships with men based on the hope that I would eventually seek out a romantic relationship?
  6. I had to stop blaming myself. I spent so much time wondering where I went wrong. Had I acted too flirtatious after a few drinks at the frat house one night? Did I say something that led him on during one of our study sessions? I realized putting the blame on myself was a ridiculous thing to do. I was always clear about my feelings towards him and I had nothing to apologize for.
  7. I realized he didn’t really value me. It took time, but I eventually came to terms with the fact that he did not view our friendship in the same light as I did. He only went out of his way to be nice to me because he had certain expectations about where our relationship would go. His friendship wasn’t authentic, it was a means to an end.
  8. The friend zone isn’t real. For a short period of time, I felt oddly guilty about relegating my best friend to the elusive “friend zone.” I hated the look of rejection on his face when I told him I didn’t see him as anything more than a good friend, but I wasn’t going to apologize for my lack of romantic feelings. For me, there is no unspoken middle ground between a man I’m friends with and a man I’m romantically interested in. The friend zone is a farce created by the most delusional of men and women.
  9. The expectations he had of me were sexist and gross. To assume that I had feelings for my best friend just because he’s a man and I’m a woman are ridiculous and insulting. Like most women, I can have a positive experience with a man without swooning over him. My ex-best friend felt as if I owed him something for all the time he put into our friendship, and that was never and will never be the case.
  10. Communication is key. Losing my best friend in such a weird manner molded the way I develop new friendships with men and women alike. I’m more clear about my feelings and expectations, and I welcome other people to do the same with me. A misinterpreted feeling or a secret crush is totally understandable, and I realize miscommunications are going to happen. That being said, I never want to hear about the “friend zone” ever again.
Jessica is a proud Pittsburgher that loves to drink tea and adopt cats in her spare time. She is a self-proclaimed Slytherin and would like to visit Harry Potter World as soon as possible!
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