Whether you ended it or they did, breakups can be tough. You’re totally entitled to a Ben & Jerry’s pity party & wallow sesh in the privacy of your home, but social media is not the place to publicly display your moping state. Put your feelings aside and your game face on because it’s time to not only be Petty Betty but also to celebrate self-empowerment. Here are 11 ways to be a little salty, throw a lot of shade, and make your ex madly jealous on Instagram after you two call it splits.
“Doing bad all by myself.” That’s right, you didn’t need them anyway. This is your chance to show yourself looking fierce and ready to slay. Total pro-female photo op. If you want to drive the point home even further, post a pic of you making a total boss move like getting the keys to your new car/apartment or tackling a home improvement project by yourself. Just generally appearing unbothered and independent works, too.
“Accepting applications in my DMs.” Sometimes you’re only broken up with as an attention-seeking tactic. They don’t expect you to actually leave or be serious about letting them go. Some people are so convinced they’re truly God’s gift to the dating world and you will never want to find someone else better than them. Well, newsflash, you’re not trippin’ over them and you know your worth can be valued by someone above childish relationship games in maturity level. Plus, a little flattery in your inbox at this time couldn’t hurt.
“…aaaannnnd she’s back!” You know what? You’ve been wrapped so tightly around your ex that you might’ve lost who you are for a minute. This is the time to reintroduce yourself to the world with an announcement. You’re no longer part of “blank & blank.” If the relationship was really that bad that it needed to end, some of your friends might be rejoicing.
“Lost dead weight.” There was a meme floating around mimicking a before-after weight loss transformation, but the only pounds shed was that of the other person in the photo. Adding the “dead” descriptor in there only adds to the idea that your former partner was useless and unnecessary. You didn’t need that toxic fat dulling your shine.
“Funeral deets coming soon.” What died? Your feelings for that lame! Maybe you got closure from them or it’s time to give it to yourself. You’re about to bury that baggage behind you and move forward like the true diva you are, and everyone is invited to watch.
“Knowing my worth.” You may not believe this right now, but you may soon if you fake it ’til you make it. Positive affirmations do work to reprogram your thinking and make you happier. So, do your morale a favor and keep saying and captioning this everywhere you need to until you feel it in your soul.
“Baby, how you feelin’?” If Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” isn’t an anthem for girl power, I don’t know what is. Put this song on blast, toss that hair, and keep walking your fine butt out the door. You need to remind yourself of how confident and self-sufficient you are, with or without that relationship you’re leaving behind. Besides, the song is just catchy and uplifting enough to get you out of your post-breakup funk.
“No, I don’t want no scrubs.” Here’s one for if the breakup was your partner’s fault and you’re still feeling heated over what they did. Just throw them under the social media bus and let it drag them until you feel better. Pretty sure TLC let us all know how undesirable this type of person is and it may hurt their chances of looking good for someone else. Sometimes your ex deserves a little public shaming as payback for hurting you.
“Shoulda put a ring on it.” I don’t know how some women can stand to be in 10+ year relationships without taking it to the next level. Boss ladies have goals, not time to waste. Sometimes a breakup is the exact prompting you need to stop dropping subtle hints and just let them know upfront that you couldn’t stand for their stalling anymore.
“Date night ready.” OK, so somewhere in the relationship, you may have gotten a little comfortable. This wasn’t an excuse for your partner to start taking you for granted, though. Dress up, beat your face, and remind them of what they’re now missing. If you want your ex back, this jealous ploy may be what you need to get them hitting up your phone again. Or you can just rub salt in their breakup wounds because you’re beyond sick of their BS and glad to be done.
“Next vacay booked!” The best part of this caption is you’re not soliciting companions, which leaves a total aura of mystery. Are you brave enough to go alone? Or are there other people more worthy than your ex in your life to tag along? Who knows- they don’t! And it will blow their mind to think you’re just healed from the relationship and living your best life without them already.
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