The Best Sex Of My Life Was With Someone I Hate

We’ve all been sexually attracted to someone we don’t actually like as a person and it can be a little confusing, to say the least. Sometimes the person you have the best physical chemistry with is someone you detest—that was certainly the case for me.

  1. I’ve always been attracted to risky/”bad” situations and people. You know how the idea of hooking up with your boss or somewhere in semi-public is kinda hot even though you know it’s wrong? It’s basically the same idea as hooking up with someone you hate. Some people may turn you on more because you know hooking up with them is wrong. This is why it’s possible to have amazing sex with someone you hate—you might hate them so you know sleeping with them is wrong, which makes it kind of hot. This was part of the reason that the best sex I’ve ever had was with someone I can’t stand.
  2. Sex is important in relationships but it can’t be everything. You can fix a relationship where the sex is average, but if sex is the only thing that’s good in a relationship, it’s definitely not going to work out. Good sex doesn’t always mean for a good relationship and vice versa. The reason hooking up with someone who I hate was the best of my life was because we both knew it was just sex and nothing more.
  3. Sometimes sex is purely physical. And that’s okay! It would’ve been a problem if I started to develop any type of emotional feelings or connection to him, but thankfully I never did. We both knew that we didn’t get along except for physically. I learned that as long as I was using protection (for both my body and my heart), there was no harm in having sex with him and letting the situation be just that.
  4. Because I wasn’t in love with him (and didn’t even like him), I didn’t hold back at all when asking for what I wanted in bed. When you like and care about someone, you’re more reserved, at least in the beginning. Because I hated everything else about this guy, I didn’t worry about being too forward or coming off as demanding by voicing what I wanted him to do in bed. I asked for what I wanted and got it, which may have been part of the reason it was the best sex of my life. Women should really start letting every guy they sleep with know exactly what they want in bed, but it is easier when you don’t have real feelings for him.
  5. He was only hookup material and I didn’t want to like him. This is key to having a sexual relationship with someone who you otherwise hate. I couldn’t treat him like a boyfriend and I had to remain aware that he would never be relationship material. I knew that I would absolutely never want anything more than a sexual relationship with him, and that took a lot of the pressure off.
  6. He was good in bed because he’s, um, experienced. In other words, he’s never been (and never will be, I’m guessing) the monogamous type, which is probably why he was extremely good in bed. That’s fine (we used protection and have both been tested), but I never let myself believe or even wish that he was sleeping with just me. I knew that I wasn’t the only person he was seeing– and he wasn’t the only one I was spending time with, either.
  7. Hate sex is hot. It’s like angry sex after a fight, it has a lot of passion and the “fireworks” that sometimes are missing from everyday relationship, emotion-based sex. I used to make myself feel guilty if I acted on physical chemistry I felt with someone who I couldn’t otherwise stand, but what I learned from amazing sex with an awful person is that it’s okay to like having sex with someone you hate, but remember that part of the reason it feels good is because you hate him, and that kind of “bad” situation may be what makes the sex so hot.
  8. I could call or text him whenever to meet up without obsessing over it. I was never worried about being clingy or coming off as slutty because his opinion really didn’t matter to me. If I was in the mood for good sex, I just simply texted or called him without overthinking it! It was honestly super refreshing not to worry about how my communication methods were coming off.  It also didn’t bother me if he didn’t call me or text me for a few days because I didn’t want to talk to him anyway.
  9. Sexual compatibility doesn’t equal emotional compatibility. This works both ways. Sometimes you emotionally connect with someone on every level, but sexually don’t work well together. Often, you’ll find the opposite is true. Someone who you connect with extremely well sexually, you can’t get along with or maybe even can’t stand otherwise. This is why the best sex of my life was with a guy who I absolutely hate. Sexual compatibility is animalistic and raw, which makes it possible to hate someone who more than pleases you sexually.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on She has an Etsy shop with cute items: she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.