Despite what some people may tell you, there’s no secret formula to finding the perfect guy. People meet by weird accidents, crazy coincidence, and under very random circumstances. Nothing can be recreated and nothing can be predicted. If you really, really, want to meet someone, all you can do is try to forget about it and just live your life.
Don’t put all your focus on finding a relationship. There’s such a thing called trying too hard and if you’re not careful, you could come off as very desperate. I get it. The internal clock is ticking and everyone and their mother has someone to go home to at night. Being single isn’t the end of the world, and the moment you start to appreciate your life for how it is right now, the closer you get to finding the next thing.
But make sure you’re still dating. I get that everyone needs a break every now and then, but don’t sit home or hang out with the same people every night and just expect Prince Charming to walk into your life one day. You have to keep putting yourself out there and keep dating. Go on regular Bumble dates, let your friends set you up, and try to develop a positive attitude for the process. Yeah, it can get a little bleak, but only if you let it.
Make a consistent effort to try new things. Try saying yes to opportunities more than you say no. Bringing new adventures and people into your life can make you happier and distract you from any thoughts of self-pity about being single. Plus, it opens you up to new people. The more people you meet, the more chances you have to meet a guy naturally and not through a dating app. Can I get a “hell yeah”?
Focus on a list of goals you want to complete. Whether it’s running a 5K or finally taking that trip to Italy, give all your energy to things you can do with or without a man. When you’ve got fun things to look forward to, you’re not as worried about your next date or if you’ll ever meet someone. The goal is to bring fun, positive vibes back into your life — and to remind yourself that you have all the power to do that.
Develop your close friendships. All hail your girl squad. No matter what your relationship status is, you should always make an effort for your friends. Not only will it make you feel less alone (sounds sad, but it’s true), but it makes your life more interesting when you have a lot of people in it who are close to you. Anyone who’s single with good friends will tell you that it’s like having a team of people dedicated to finding you a boyfriend. Finding love is a hard venture, and it’s easier if you don’t go at it totally alone.
Go on adventures. Like real “I can’t believe I just did that” adventures. Pick something that kind of scares you a little bit, and then commit yourself to doing it. Love is about taking risks. So you can’t expect yourself to take a risk on a person if you can’t take a risk on yourself.
Take advantage of being single. Sleep like starfish. Go somewhere random without telling anybody. Post a slightly risque selfie. Understand that you are in one of those rare moments in life where you can kind of do whatever the hell you want. Don’t waste this period of feeling bad about what you don’t have and make the most of what you do. When you do find someone — because you will find someone, you’re going to wish that you did all the things you wanted to do as a single woman while you still had the chance.
Make out with a stranger. Again, you don’t have to spend your time of independence being totally independent. Make a pact with yourself that you won’t get into a real relationship unless it’s with someone you can really see yourself with. Don’t let the single life depress you enough to be with someone just so you can say you’re with someone. You can like people enough to drunkenly make out with them at the bar, but not enough to take home to Mom.
Spend time trying to figure yourself out. Here’s a big hint about life that no one really wants to tell you: nobody has anything figured out and you probably never will. But it’s good to take some time to ask yourself what it is you want out of life — both short and long term — and then come up with a way to get it.
Don’t for a second think you’re missing out on anything. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but it isn’t. Everyone is going through some sort of struggle, whether they’re in a relationship or not, and all your problems won’t go away just because you find a guy. Make the most of where you are now, and trust that when the time is right, you’ll meet him.