My Bestie’s Not Over Her Breakup But I’m Over Her Talking About It

I get that people get over breakups in their own time so I’m not usually one to judge someone for being stuck on their ex. However, the fact that my best friend still isn’t over her crappy old boyfriend is really getting on my nerves.

She’s been moping around for way too long. This wasn’t a breakup that happened a few weeks ago or even a few months. They’ve been broken up for over a year and she’s still acting like it’s a new thing. I know you mourn a real loss when a relationship gets cut short, but I’m so sick and tired of having my best friend replaced by a depressed woman who’s impossible to console.

I pride myself on being a good friend, but something’s gotta give. It’s not that I’m not supportive and it’s not that I don’t feel for her. Breakups suck and I’ve happily been her shoulder to cry on and the ear to listen since the day it happened. I let her vent to me and tell me how much it hurts and I’ll never stop playing that role when she needs me. At the same time, there’s going to come to a point where I might have to shake her shoulders and be like, “OMG, MOVE ON!”

He wasn’t actually all that great. Usually after a nasty breakup, we remind ourselves constantly about the bad stuff so that it doesn’t hurt as much, but she seems to be doing the opposite. It’s as if she’s somehow forgotten the stuff that wasn’t so wonderful and is instead convinced that what they had was the best thing since Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. Let me tell you, it wasn’t. Not by a long shot.

The way he ended it was incredibly messed up. Even though he isn’t a bad guy, I’ll never forgive him for walking away like he did and blindsiding her (and the rest of us) out of nowhere. Whatever his reasons, I can’t help but feel like her inability to move on is because of how he left, not the mere fact that he did it. Since I can’t scream at him, I end up just being super frustrated with her for being unable to see that he’s seriously not “The One.”

If the tables were turned, she’d tell me I was being ridiculous. If it were me sulking around heartbroken for over a year after a relationship ended, she would give me a serious reality check before I knew what was coming. I know it’s always easier to give advice than it is to take it, but I’m going insane having to pretend I’m not completely over her talking about this dude. If I get one more “I’m just hurting so much” text, I might go crazy.

I can’t wait for her to get back in the dating game. Eventually she’ll put herself back out there for real, which will be amazing for the rest of us. Not only will I have my friend back but we’ll go back to our gossip hours talking about boys. Maybe we’ll even be able to double date again like the old days! Until then, she really needs to stop crying about her ex on first and second dates because she’s scaring all potential suitors away.

I get that it’s painful and I’m supportive when it’s called for. We’re all human, and sometimes memories hit you like a ton of bricks no matter how much time has passed since a breakup. If something pops up on her Facebook feed of him and another girl or she hears a song they used to sing together, I can’t blame her for getting upset. When those waves hit, I’m totally supportive.

Still, there’s a difference between a painful memory and drowning in it. It’s fine that she has to work through hard moments sometimes, but it’s how much she dwells on him during the day to day without any type of reminder that’s unhealthy. Re-reading old texts, looking through pictures, and obsessing over what could have been isn’t doing her any favors, and it’s driving me up a wall.

She’s too amazing to be stuck on someone so sub-par. The hardest part of all of this is that I know what a catch she is and it kills me to see her wasting away, thinking she lost the best thing that ever happened to her. The truth is that it’s his loss, not hers. I miss when she was confident and carefree, but with her being so stuck on this guy, she’s never going to get that back.

If I call her out, she’ll just push me away. As much as I’d love to tell her to get over it already, I know I can’t actually do that to my best friend. She’ll be so hurt and just end up distancing herself more than she already has. I know that one day she’ll forget all about him when she finds the real deal. Until then, I suppose I’ll just hope for the best and keep my mouth shut.

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