Your Better Half Doesn’t Exist—You’re Whole On Your Own

Ever since you were a tater tot, you were probably led to believe that you + a partner equals a life of true fulfillment. It’s high time we rained on that parade because—and I hate to break it to you, ladies—your better half simply doesn’t exist. It’s time to put down your book of fairytales and stop looking for your Prince Charming—here’s why:

  1. You’re Already Whole. When we walk around thinking that we’re just half a person and we need another to complete us, we subconsciously believe that we’re only operating at 50 percent of our potential. Of course, it’s true that love and companionship do help us grow and develop, but nothing will stunt your personal power more than the limiting belief that unless you’re paired off with someone else, you won’t be truly complete.
  2. You Know How to Fulfill Your Own Needs. You’re a complex and amazing woman with your own physical, emotional and psychological needs. When you take the time to know yourself, you also come to understand what you need to feel good in this life. This goes for everything from diet, sleep, friends, social outings and lifestyle choices. When you know what you need, you have the power to give it to yourself. You don’t need anyone else to do this for you.
  3. True happiness really does come from within. If you look at your boyfriend as your other half, you’re going to put a lot of unfair pressure on him to be your be-all, end-all. You’re going to depend on him to make you happy and keep you happy and after a while, he’ll resent that and you’ll forget how to bring joy into your own heart. And then, guess what? No one’s happy!
  4. You’re Not Desperate for a Partner. When you stop buying into the idea that you need someone better than you to feel complete, here’s what happens: your desperate hunt for Prince Charming comes to a screeching halt. Instead of looking for someone to satisfy your needs, you can just look for someone to enjoy. And because you love yourself, you experience love without anxiously needing it from your boyfriend.
  5. Being Single Is Perfectly OK. Society has come a long way but girls still feel a lot of pressure to have a boyfriend. There’s almost a celebratory response when a girl starts dating, gets engaged or gets married, but it’s equally praiseworthy when a woman can stand on her own two feet (wearing the sassiest pair of Louboutin’s, of course) and walk confidently through her life.
  6. Your Partner Can Do Stupid Things and It’s Not Going to Ruin Your Day. Let’s say you’re in a relationship and you look at your boyfriend as the sun and the moon. He’s the high to your noon, the fortune in your cookie, the rock in your roll… you get the picture. Now, what happens when your “better” half does something stupid? When you give him so much importance in your life, his actions can really throw you for a loop. But his actions don’t have to define yours, and you don’t have to take responsibility for his blunders. In fact, you really shouldn’t.
  7. You’re Not Inferior to Anyone. One of the biggest reasons the idea of a “better half” is so detrimental is because it sends a very negative message to women everywhere. It says that who you are isn’t good enough. We’re all works in progress, but this better half concept doesn’t encourage you to improve yourself or to become the best version of yourself. Instead, it tells you that you’re just an inferior person, plain and simple. That’s BS.
  8. You Don’t Need Someone to Save You, Thank You Very Much. Life is one big learning curve, and there’s no time when this feels more relevant than in our 20s and 30s. It’s a time when we can accomplish great things and make our biggest, cringe-worthy mistakes. It’s only natural. But it’s not very helpful to think that you need someone to save you from the natural ebb and flow of life. Would it be nice to sail along with someone? Absolutely, but why not look at him as your fellow shipmate rather than your life jacket?
  9. Your Relationship Isn’t Sexist. The feminist movement has done so much for gender equality so let’s not take one step forward and two steps back, shall we? When women look at their partners as their better halves, they’re succumbing to an age-old mentality that says men are better. That they’re more competent, intelligent and useful. Be smarter.
  10. You Give Sincere and Meaningful Praise. When your boyfriend does something thoughtful for you, you could say, “You’re my better half.” But you could also say, “Hey babe, thanks for doing that. You rock!” and give him a good, long kiss. With this simple switch, you go from being the meek and modest maiden to a bona fide woman who can stand eye to eye with your guy and show him some heartfelt appreciation that doesn’t diminish your own strength and identity. Who wouldn’t want that?
Audrey Bea uses her life-changing but difficult experiences with anorexia and depression as the catalyst and inspiration for her work. As a writer and illustrator, Audrey creates empowering content to help women love who they are, and overcome the widespread illness of fear.