I’m Better Off Single Than Accepting The Bare Minimum From A Guy Who Doesn’t Know What He Wants

I really want to find a boyfriend who might eventually turn into a husband, but it is dire out there. Between ghosting, cheating, and guys who just have no business dating, I often end up feeling like finding a worthwhile guy is like finding a needle in a haystack. That being said, no matter how lonely I get or how much I want to meet someone, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m better off single than with a guy who has no idea what he wants.

  1. They tell you how much they like you but then never ask you out. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been chatting to a guy on a dating app for a few weeks or sometimes even a few months but it literally never goes any further because he never wants to meet up in person and never asks me out. I wait and wait and wait, read as he fills my DMs with endless compliments about how compatible we are, and nothing happens. I’m better off single than wasting my time like this, that’s for sure.
  2. They say they want a relationship but then freak out when you want to define yours. According to their dating profile or to the first date conversation you have after meeting at the bar, he’s totally a relationship guy! All he wants is to meet a great girl and have the most amazing relationship because he’s sick and tired of playing the field. That sounds great, right? Unfortunately, it’s pretty much always bullsh-t. I’ve gotten my hopes up after conversations like this so many times, only to be let down when I bring up defining the relationship and he completely deflects. Either that, or he insists that we’d be better off “going with the flow” than changing our relationship status from single to coupled up.
  3. They tell you they want to be exclusive and then you find out they’re seeing other women behind your back. Raise your hands if you’ve heard this one before, ladies! You’re getting along so well that you mutually agree to only date each other. You stick to that — you like him so much that you don’t even think about other guys in a romantic way anymore — and assume he’s on the same page. Of course, it eventually comes out that he’s been talking to other women behind your back the whole time because he’s not so sure what he wants after all.
  4. They basically love bomb you and then ghost you 2 weeks later. I’m way better off being single than dealing with this one more time. It’s happened more times than I can count on one hand, and I know I’m not alone in this. Why do men do this crap? They go over the top in trying to romance you, proclaiming how much they like you and how perfect you are and how they’ve been hoping to meet someone like you for so long and they can’t believe they’ve actually met you. Two weeks later, they go AWOL from your life, never to be heard from again. Greaaaaat.
  5. They’re cool hanging out all the time but then tell you things are “moving too fast.” You know when you’re dating a guy and you get into that “want to be together 24/7” phase so you basically move into one of your apartments and hole up together in your own romantic world. That is, until one day he wakes up and out of nowhere has a major meltdown about how everything is “moving too fast” and how he “needs a bit of space.” Okay, bro. You take that. I think I’m better off being single than going through this one more time.

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  1. They act like your boyfriend but then claim they’re “not looking for anything serious.” Even if you haven’t had the talk with a guy you’re dating, it’s been going well, it’s been a few weeks or maybe even a couple of months, and he’s acting like your boyfriend and treating you like his girlfriend. I’ve been there with a guy and I’ve always kinda just accepted it because I really liked the guy. However, there would inevitably always come a time when he would break the news that he’s “not looking for anything serious” despite acting as if what you have is, in fact, very serious indeed. That’s f–king news to me, buddy! Is it any wonder I’m starting to feel like I’m better off single?
  2. They claim they need an emotional connection to sleep with someone but tell you it was “just sex” after you sleep with him. I’m sure this is a struggle of single women everywhere and that’s depressing as hell (not to mention pretty infuriating). I’m not naive and I’ve been dating long enough to see straight through this nonsense whenever a guy says it — if I sleep with him, it’s because I’m horny and he’s attractive and that’s what I want to do. That doesn’t make it any better or less obnoxious when Mr. Loves Being Single decides to claim it’s “just sex” as he leaves you in the dust.
  3. They use dating apps but admit that dating isn’t really their thing. Again, most women realize at this point that a lot of men on dating apps really are just looking to get laid and definitely don’t want a girlfriend or a relationship. That’s especially true if they’re on apps like Tinder, which are typically very hookup-focused. Nevertheless, there they are on their profiles, claiming that they’re 100% relationship guys when that couldn’t be further from the truth. You’ll only find this out once you’ve wasted a sufficient amount of time on them, of course… (Insert eye roll here.)
  4. They play hot and cold because they have no idea where their heads are at any given time. Is it any wonder so many single women are realizing more and more that we’re better off on our own than sinking time and energy into the lost cause that is dating these days? Sure, “not all men” and all that jazz, but I’ve yet to meet a guy in recent years that’s proved that wrong. They need to step up their game.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia