The Better The Woman You Are, The Harder Dating Is — WTF?

Sometimes it feels like guys have it so much easier when it comes to dating and relationships. As women, we’re expected to be the total (yet completely contradictory) package: hot but unaware of it, thin but not TOO thin, successful but not more successful than our dates, interested but not TOO interested as to seem needy… the list goes on and on. The fact of the matter is the more intelligent, accomplished, and independent we are, the worse dating seems to be. WTF is up with that?

  1. We’re always told what we need to do to “get the guy” rather than the other way around. It’s pretty rare to see an article directed at men telling them how to dress or how to behave. Women, on the other hand, are subjected to a plethora of how-to’s to land the men we’re after as if being our awesome selves wasn’t enough. I for one would like to see some more advice for men on how to get the girl.
  2. A lot of guys are intimidated by independent women. When we do things for ourselves — pay our own bills, buy everything we want, and manage to change a lightbulb — it’s intimidating to insecure dudes. The problem with this is that a good chunk of the half-dateable guys feel emasculated by independent women when they should be impressed by us or feel lucky to be with us. Ugh.
  3. The game is rigged to the point that it seems impossible to win. It’s 2016, and that means that if a woman is going to date, she needs to know how to play the game.  If we don’t play games because we’re too genuine — and quite frankly don’t have the time for them — we’re seen as too forward, too blunt, and just straight up weird for being authentic.
  4. We know we need to “be ourselves” but are often told it’s not good enough. We’re told every day to just “be ourselves” and the right guy will find us if we do. At the same time, we’re also told that guys love women who do this, wear that, etc. It’s a lot of pressure coming from both directions when the honest truth is that we’re great as-is.
  5. Our sex lives seem to be everyone’s business. We’re objectified at every turn, but when we actually own and take control of our sexuality, it’s seen as a gauge on our moral compass. Of course, the amount of sex we have has nothing to do with how much we respect ourselves, but for some reason, we still get judged for it. It’s basically the worst.
  6. Some guys can be seriously manipulative. When we have valid feelings, we’re constantly negged or gaslighted into believing that we’re overreacting or being irrational. Of course these types of mind games come from the worst guys, but at the same time, it can be a serious confidence buster if we let it get the best of us.
  7. Finding guys who are on the same page as us feels nearly impossible. If we’re looking to get married to our next boyfriend, all the guys we seem to meet are looking for a casual thing. On the opposite side, if we’re into something more go-with-the-flow, we meet Mr. Right. Timing can be such a bitch.
  8. It’s hard to be honest these days. In this candy-coated world, honesty really is an unwanted virtue. Even if what we’re saying isn’t all that bad, it still seems to be preferable to embellish anything and everything about ourselves. It’s hard to be authentic when you’re not being upfront about who you really are.
  9. Getting dressed for a date is exhausting. So much goes into our primping before we go out on that first date with the guy we adore… and then he shows up in a hoodie and jeans and he’s never looked better. It’s just not fair, but we do it time and time again because maybe next time, it’ll be different.
  10. Romance is seriously dead. For those of us who want a real connection with a little extra oomph, romance is a must. But when it comes right down to it, what does that even mean anymore? It seems like the most romantic thing a guy can come up with these days is popping in a frozen lasagna and opening the Netflix app. Sure, there’s no use living in the past and we have to adapt with the times, but seriously? This is ridiculous.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.