My BFF Is Desperate For A Baby & Wants Me To Be Her Surrogate

I’d do anything for my best friend. She’s my other half and I don’t know where I’d be without her. She recently asked me to be her surrogate after learning that she’s unable to conceive on her own and while I’d love to say yes, there are so many reasons I can’t.

  1. I don’t want my first pregnancy to be for someone else. Pregnancy is a time when mothers tend to bond with their unborn babies. They spend a whole nine months with them in the womb and a connection happens naturally. To form that inevitable bond and then have to give it up since it’s not really my baby sounds way too hard and I don’t think I could do it, especially not the first time around.
  2. I’m young and I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want to be pregnant for me or anyone else. I’m only 23 and I want to travel the world and experience everything life has to offer. I want to finish school and advance in my career. It might seem selfish to say that I’m enjoying my time, but I think it’s something OK to be selfish about. If I was older and more settled down, I think it would make the decision easier.
  3. What if I lose the baby? I know it’s a negative thought to have, but it’s something to think about going into this. If I ended up having a miscarriage, not only would I feel the physical pain but I’d also be disappointing my best friend. That’s not something I could deal with on any level. The pain would follow me around and I’d be even more worried about when I try to have my own children someday.
  4. What if I couldn’t give the baby away when the time came? I know legally I wouldn’t have a choice since I assume some sort of documentation would be involved in surrogacy, but what if it mentally destroyed me? I’m the type of person who gets emotionally invested in everything I do and I don’t see this being any different. I guess eventually the pain would subside, but still, it would hurt like hell if it actually did turn out that way.
  5. My boyfriend thinks it would be weird. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and while I appreciate his opinion most the time, this is something I would do whether he agreed with it or not. However, he asked me if I would be OK with him donating his sperm to help his BFF who couldn’t have kids. At first I argued that it isn’t the same thing because zero DNA is coming from me to create this child, but I totally understand his point. It’s still a big decision that he should be a part of. He thinks I should do it after we have our own children, but IDK.
  6. I feel like if I say no, our friendship will never be the same. I felt as though my BFF asked me assuming I would say yes. Of course, I think she would understand because it is a lot to ask of someone, but deep down I know our friendship would forever change because I was withholding the one thing she wants but can’t have that I could give her. This whole situation isn’t fair to anyone.
  7. I don’t know what the “right” thing to do would be. I suppose deep down the right thing to do is whatever my heart tells me to, but the situation is so particular that I don’t think making myself happy is the only thing that comes into play. I love my BFF and I want her to have the precious child that she deserves. I just wish it didn’t have to ask so much out of me for it to happen.
  8. Maybe if I did it, it wouldn’t be as bad as I think. There’s always the possibility that I could have a child for my BFF and it wouldn’t destroy me. Instead, it might bring me joy to make my best friend so happy. It’s not even a whole year of my life, so it’s not that great of a sacrifice. It’s a gift that I can give her that no one else will, so maybe it’s worth going for. Who knows?
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